May 25, 2012
I am so ready… YES.
Yes, Yes, Yes!
Let’s go. Let’s run away to Todos Santos together, live on the beach, get a scruffy dog named Zevon , and eat fresh fish every night that was delivered earlier that day by a non-English speaking lady in a red pickup truck? Again… YES. I’m so ready. Wasn’t that the plan… Mexico 2012? Hmmm? OK. Maybe I have the date wrong. Details.
Walk Off The Earth?
Gladly. OK, so… I’ve been continuing to obssess over that song. You know the one. It’s stuck in my head. I’ve tried playing it on my guitars, both acoustic and electric. I’ve tried playing it on the xylophone, keyboard – even on my Canjo. But I promise – pinky swear – after this week, I wont bring it up any more.
The problem is that there are about a zillion covers of that song on MyTubeBook. A zillion, I say… And I’ve seen all of them. But you don’t have to watch all of them. You have me. I will guide you to the best ones. For example…
Have you seen the Walk Off The Earth cover…?
OK, that was innovative. Interesting.
That got them millions of views and an appearance on the Ellen show.
Barnsley, you are so silly.
Of course, I noticed the hot chick.
That was Sarah Blackwood.
I like that name… Sarah.
Sarah Kobain – kinda has a nice ring to it, n’est pas?
Unfortunately, she is hyper-tatooficated.
So, enough about those guys.
How about the Pentatonix version…
Almost 5 million views. Not bad.
It started to feel a little crowded in that warehouse, didn’t it?
Yes, Barnsley… Kristie Maldonado. Google her.
Next on the tour is the Animated Guys in Their Underpants Version.
I know what you’re thinking but trust me on this one. It’s pretty good.
Well, what d’ja think?
No. I don’t know why they were in their underpants.
Yeah… I’m not sure if animated chicks have to be called hot.
Plus, what was up with her ears? Who is this Zelda?
Was she a Vulcan? I know I am.
And was that Tommy Lee on the drums?
And what was up with Mario? Move on dude.
And where did Barnsley go?
OK, I like this one too.
This is Ivy & Gold…
Yes, Barnsley. I’m all over it.
It’s like it’s platinum blonde day around here today.
What ever happened to the Irish Redheads?
OK, now we’re getting to the good stuff.
Here is my second favorite from someone named Paulina…
Nice, huh? Oh, and…how cute is Paulina? I know.
Funny. She actually looks like someone I currently know.
I mean. I just know her. Not like in the “biblical” sense.
What did you think, Barnsley?
Oh crap… Barnsley passed out.
Well, I’m going to have to call 9-1-1.
So, while I do that. You guys can watch my favorite of the Go-Tee-Ay covers.
Here is the Netherlands Radio Choir performing Somebody That I Used to Know.
So hey, I’m completely out of time.
And remember, I promise not to speak of this song again.
It’s out of my system. I’m done.
But you know, since you’re here and I’m here.
I guess that does make it “our time”.
OK, fine… Queue up the Red Head… for Barnsley’s sake.
Not a very exciting video yet, couldn’t take you eyes off her…right?
That’s their power. Beware of the power of red.
Who’s that girl? Who’s that girl?
Dunno. I’m going to call her Jess.
That’s it. Nothing left to see here.
See you next time, when I may be live from New York City!
May 18, 2012
Oh, I’m back baby… In a big way.
I just have to get over that song from last week. I’m still addicted to it, as you may have noticed from the title of this week’s post. Although, I bet someone is saying to me…
You said that you could let it go… and I wouldn’t
catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know…
Alrighty then, you asked for it – you got it.
I’m moving on – but before I go too far, we have to talk about…
Obama-One-Kenobi is Suddenly Pro Gay Marriage?
Of course he is. I can’t figure out why people are so shocked about this.
Maybe people have forgotten – he’s a politician!
It’s funny, I saw an article in the New York Times that stated (something like), 60% of Americans polled believe this was purely a political move. You think? Just how stupid do THEY (the politicians) think WE (the people) are?
The more likely scenario is, of course, that he has always been pro-gay marriage and way back when he said that he was not – that was the political move. I mean, let’s think about it… He’s a Democrat – so, most likely, he’s always supported gay marriage. Next, he’s a Democrat, so changing what he says, in order to meet the political agenda of the day goes with the territory. Finally, he needed some Republican votes in order to win last time. He knew people wanted change and that statement probably put a few Republican supporters at ease. Now he doesn’t have a chance with those Republicans, so it’s time to lock in the Democrats.
Personally, I think the gay population should be allowed to do whatever they want to do. Who cares? In fact, I say we make heterosexual marriages illegal for a while – you know, just to even out the score.
At the end of the day, none of this has any real bearing on politics. None of this has anything to do with what people actually want from the government. Things like insure domestic tranquility and provide for common defense – certainly not tell us who we can marry and who we can’t.
Blow it out your ass, Motorcycle Man
I am the devil, do you understand?
Sex, Drugs & Rock-n-Roll
I’ll admit it… I’ve always been a bit of a Bon Jovi fan. I know, I know. I’ve heard it all before. I’ve heard Bon Jovi referred to as a “candy-ass” rock-n-roll band ever since, back in the day, when all rockers were supposed to be tough guys, hard rockers, surrounded by booze and women. The thing is, that we have to recognize the importance of, and give equal credit to, the bands that, although they may not fit our criteria for serious rockers, they helped to pave the way for making our music acceptable in society. That way, now that we’re older, it’s OK.
I could argue that, thanks to guys like Billy Idol, for the first time in 20 years, we’re getting a new album from Public Image Ltd. on May 28th and thanks to bands like Bon Jovi, today our parents and our children have heard of Metallica, Megadeth and most importantly, Guns & Roses.
Having said all of that… Have you seen this?
John!!! Advil? When we said, “sex, drugs, and rock and roll”, we weren’t including 200mg of ibuprophen in the drugs category. Axl would never go there.
Maybe that’s how we should all start living our lives… WWAD? What Would Axl Do? Of course, it might get boring after a while, when the answer always comes up as, let’s punch the guy in the face…but then, it’ll probably be fun, at first.
The point here is that, I think we need to return to the basics.
And this brings us to today’s musical guest, Radio Moscow.
Their music distribution company describes them as…
“Yes, they have long hair. Yes they may be stoned. Yes this is the kinda music
that caused a stir 40 years ago. And so what? It’s the music of the gods.
They know it, we know it and Dan Auberbach (of The Black Keys,
who not only discovered the trio as pot-infused miscreant teens,
but also produced their debut) is fully aware of this too.”
Bring that shit on.
Here’s Radio Moscow performing Broke Down just last month in Paris.
Sweet! Come to Bonnaroo next year, my brothas…
What Would Archie Do?
So, another version of WWAD is What Would Archie Do?
Now we’re cooking with gas. And that brings us to, why I have to get out of here. Once again, I am headed to make sure the Florida Keys are still surrounded by water.
Here’s me official invitation…
Now, who should I take?
Oh, yeah… Look for me on television…real, actual television – maybe.
But don’t look for me on a speedboat. I gotta go in style, Mutha F*#ck#r.
If you see a 50′ Bertram, you should be looking for me there because…
There’s a pretty good chance that, by the time you read this, I’m On A Boat!
Holy crap. This things starts at 10:30am?
[Yelling off camera:]
Barnsley… Get the chopper ready. I gotta get to Key Largo!
Barnsley? [Looks around]
See ya – wouldn’t wanna be ya…
May 11, 2012
…of when we were together.
Yes. Another week, another post – I am out of control.
There wasn’t going to be one this week but… I have two very important things on the agenda.
First of all, I have seen The End of The World, as we know it. At least the part whereby America rules the world’s finances. So, I felt compelled to pass this information along to…well, all my loyal readers. That’s you.
As you know, I have ranted in the past about our country’s overspending and over importing – to the point where we have essentially sent all of our money overseas and then borrowed it back so that we could buy and borrow more. Soon, we will be so over-extended that we’ll never be able to repay our debts, that is.. unless someone loans us more money.
It’s a vicious circle.
I like to call that Donald Trump Syndrome. I guess they key is to owe so much money that no one can afford to have you go bankrupt. Of course, sooner or later, it all has to come crashing down. That is, unless you come up with a lucrative reality TV show deal that essentially saves your ass. That’s unlikely to happen for America.
Well, in as much as all of this “reality” is accurate, all along, I thought the end would come completely of our own doing. But now I have discovered the even bigger brewing plot designed to help us along into financial obscurity and strategically overthrow us… moniteraly.
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die…
Does anyone remember the gold standard?
Once upon a time, the US Dollar was base upon gold reserves. So, anyone you gave a dollar to, could, theoretically, go and cash it in for gold. It even said so, right on the front of the note.
The brilliant thing about the gold standard was that it didn’t allow for us to arbitrarily fluctuate that amount of US currency in circulation. In essence, there could never be more currency in circulation than there was gold stashed away in Ft. Knox or wherever – perhaps an underwear drawer, somewhere in the White House.
The basic idea was that, you could buy and sell whatever you needed to buy or sell, in gold, without having to carry any bulky gold bars around. Also, paper money was then backed by a guaranteed value. It was brilliant. Nevertheless, like the temporary brilliance of a bottle rocket, the US eventually moved away from the gold standard and, today – the US dollar is mostly backed by air.
It is, of course, still the thing that everyone wants. We are still the number one economy in the world. Let’s face it – we are everyone’s best customer and, somehow, the US Dollar has remained the World’s Reserve Currency. This means – in a serious nutshell - that everyone compares their “dollars” to the US Dollar and is willing to transact in US Dollars. An example might be… If Russia wanted to buy oil from the King and the Boogie Men, both countries would convert their money into US Dollars in order to calculate or negotiate their price. It’s the world’s accepted standard for money.
No one really seems to understand, however, how important this is for us. This gives us huge leverage around the world. It puts us at the center of the world’s economy and, most importantly, it is what allows us to do what we have been doing – like continuing to operate, even though we have huge deficit spending and huge insolvency on our national balance sheet. So, what’s the end game…?
In the last few years, as the US recieved a downgraded credit rating and we continue to lose control over our national debt, the International Monetary Fund started talking about possibly replacing the US Dollar as the world’s reserve currency. The impact of such a decision would be catastrophic here. The US could no longer do what it does. We would then have to answer to others and we couldn’t just – irresponsibly print more money to bail out banks, mortgage companies and automakers. Things would change quickly in America. Nothing would be so laissez-faire, as it is today. But what could possibly replace the US Dollar?
Enter China and the Yuan. The Yuan is the base unit of Chinese currency. I know it seems a bit crazy that the world might pick the currency of a communist country upon which to base its capitalistic system but – they are the only ones in a position to take this over and the only ones who are actively working on a plan to make this happen.
Get this – and Google it, if you don’t believe me… China has been buying gold and mining for gold, all over the world. That’s what they are doing with all their money – they are hoarding gold. Up until last year, it was illegal for Chinese citizen to privately own gold – just like it was in the US, not to long ago. But last year, after the Chinese goverment could only stock up on gold so fast, they decided to invoke the help of their 1 Billion citizens. The government then decided that it was OK for the Chinese people to own gold and, since then, has been encouraging them to buy and hold – gold!
Why? …and why now?
I believe that, if IMF ever really starts looking to replace the US Dollar as the World’s Reserve Currency, China is planning to present itself as the only country in the world today with enough gold to actually back its currency. A brilliant move by the Chinese – not good for us. And really, REALLY – if it came down to an international vote – no one in their right mind would say, “no – the US Dollar is worthless but let’s stick with that”. No one.
Think about this.
We’ll talk further in a future episode.
Let’s move on (for now)…
Told myself that you were right for me,
but felt so lonely in your company.
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember…
The second important thing that I needed to pass along, as soon as possible, before everyone on the planet has heard of this guy and I get little or no credit for being on the forefront of music is…today’s musical guest.
The problem is, no one is really sure how to pronounce Gotye.
Barnsley thinks it’s pronounced Gotcha.
I prefer to say Go Tie, or Go Thai – if you’re a fan of Asian food.
Really, really… I think it’s more like Go-Tay.
In any case, I think you’re going to like him.
Here’s Gotye with Somebody That I Used to Know…
Brilliant. I know. That song is addictive… Watch. You’ll see.
I can see you reaching for the replay button, right now, aren’t you…???
The hot chick showing up 2 1/2 minutes in doesn ‘t hurt either.
It’s perfect timing. That’s right around the time when I ask myself,
“why am I watching this painted naked guy singing?”
The hot chick is Kimbra, by the way…
Here she is looking Gagalicious…
And now you’re just somebody that i used to know…
Well, alrighty then.
I’ve said my peace and brought you your song of the day.
My work here is done…
BTW – a big thanks to my Gotye connection.
Love ya, Mean it.
May 4, 2012
She’s got a camouflaged face and no money
Alrighty then, I know I pick on Barnsley a lot, but today I need to talk about his sheer genius. Just the other day, we were in dire need of some champagne. Of course, technically, to call champagne by that name (champagne), it needs to come from the champagne region of France. Otherwise, you have to call it sparkling wine. For example, all the bubbly from California is simply referred to as American Sparkling Wine. The question is, what do you call Sparkling Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand?
Well, just the other day, Barnsley brought home a bottle of Zeal, Sparkling Sauvignon Blanc (from Marlboro, of course) and I say we call it awesome!
If you’ve been following along in the home version of our game, you might remember that I’m a big fan of New Zealand Sauvignon Blancs, but the sparkling version just threw this whole thing into a another level.
If I were you, I run out and get some immediately. And here’s the best part, it was delicious and only about $10. So if you decide to make mimosas, you wont be wasting the pricey stuff. It’s genius.
[Yelling off stage:]
Barnsley! Mimosas for everyone.
Oh, Blue Jean…
Is Heaven any sweeter than Blue Jean?
Sweeter? I always thought of Heaven as being low calorie
yet – no Nutra Sweet required.
Alrighty then… I’m back in California (again) this week.
Someone told me there’s a girl out there,
with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair…
And I gotta tell you, I’ve stayed at some pretty awesome places in my day, but my hotel room this week was over the top. My room had two bathrooms. There’s only one of me! There’s a living area, a dining room table, a giant private patio area…
Check out this shower head…
Nice? I know.
And look it’s one of those bathrooms where there’s telephone next to the toilet…
How handy is that?
I can see it now. I’m sitting on the toilet, reading my newspaper, maybe my business is taking a little long – I can call someone.
“Hello… Barnsley? Hey, it’s Arch. I’m on the toilet. It’s going a little slow in here, I’m going to need you to bring me a glass of that sparkling sauvignon blanc… Hello? Barnsley?”
I’d love to tell you where I’m staying but I have no freakin’ idea where that is.
Somewhere in Palm Springs. Someone else paid for me to get here. Someone else told the cab driver where to go. I think I’m somewhere near Palm Springs.
It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time
So hey, you may have noticed that, by some strange coincidence, quite often, our musical guests involve a hot chick lead singer. Well, for those few of you who are disturbed by this, it’s time that we disturb everyone else. To start with, it’s amazing that I even gave this group a listen. After all, my first “exposure” to them involved this disturbing picture of lead singer, Beth Ditto…
Ha! Made you look.
I am aware that, by definition, she is stil a hot chick.
But I have a feeling that she’s moonlighting as a US Airways flight attendant.
But hey, if you’re able to get past all of this,
I think you might just enjoy Gossip, performing Perfect World…
And just for good measure, we need to run this photo of Ekatarina…
That’s it. We’re all done for today.
I gotta rock. I gotta roll.
See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya…