Scaramouche, Scaramouche…
April 19, 2013
Will you do The Fandango?
Sure. Why not?
I could also play you a song too.
After all, I am the piano man.
See I told you I was me.
This is so weird. I haven’t been here in a long time. Weeks!
I did a bit of travelling lately.
As Barnsley put it, in his brilliant blog post, I jumped across the pond. I visited a little bit of Greece, a little bit of Turkey, and a little bit of Italy. Greece was not that greasy, Turkey tasted more like chicken… and Italy? Italy was Italy. It was packed with Italians, which was mostly a good thing.
In my travels I came across the good, the bad and the disturbing. Mostly, everything was good but I didn’t want to discriminate against “the bad” or “the disturbing” – they are my friends too. Of course, I could dive right in and start telling you about my trip… I could tell you about what a great experience I had with Alitalia, my new favorite airline. I could tell you about Antonio, my crazy cab driver in Athens. i could take credit for the cease-fire in the 30-year old Kurdish-Turkish conflict, which happened while I was there. Coincidence? I could make up stories about partying with Frank (the new pope), who was installed while I was there. Coincidence? I could tell you that I sailed around Europe with a hot Italian chick named Laura, who looked a little like Susanna Hoffs.
By the way, that’s Laura – not Laura. You pronounced it incorrectly.
You said Laura, they way Americans say it. You said Loh-Rah.
Her name was in Italian. It was pronounced Lah-ooo-Rah!
Get it right.
But no… I’m not going to tell you my tales of Europe. Not all at once, anyway. These tales will simply be cataloged and used, as needed, to enhance your overall reading experience over time. Actually, today. I was going to discuss one of my favorite topics - relativity. And not like Einstein’s theory of relativity, I don’t even know what that’s about. I think it has something to do with your relatives. You know the ones. They show up every Christmas, with turones…
No! I was going to discuss Archie’s Theories of Relativity about how everything is relative.
But now, I’m not even doing that. You know why?
My brain is overloaded. Each week, I have so much to say. I’m busting at the mental seams.
And then, I get brain-locked. So instead, I write nothing. It’s like mental constipation.
I want to write about Europe. I want to further explain my point of view on marriage, prompted by the sudden focus on gay marriage. A friend of mine called me a few weeks ago and said, “hey… I just got your point. You really need to explain it better.”
Really? Well… She did say, “really”. OK, so I guess I have to do that. Ugh!
Of course, last week, I decided that we needed a moment of silence for
the tall, the dark and the handsome – Margaret Thatcher, Annette Funicello & Lilly Pulitzer.
You’ll have to figure out which is which.
I’m going to miss Lilly the most – that’s all I’m sayin’…
This week my silence is over but I still lack substance, clarity or motivation.
I have, however, reconnected with a band that I loved years ago… L.A. Guns.
You should all be familiar by now with my love for the original Guns n’ Roses line-up. And even without a lot of thought, you may have figured out that “the roses” in Guns n’ Roses came from Axl Rose’s involvement. But did you ever wonder where the Guns came from?
Answer: Tracii Guns.
Yes. That’s an actual person. And long before there were Guns n’ Roses, there was L.A. Guns, a band put together by Tracii Guns. Axl Rose was actually the lead vocalist for L.A. Guns at some point around 1984. At that time, Rose had a band called Hollywood Rose. Guns & Rose came up with the Guns & Roses name but in the end, Tracii (lead guitarist) was replaced by Slash and went on with his own band – L.A. Guns. Rose kept the Guns n’ Roses name, which is why he can still call his solo band – Guns n’ Roses. He owns that name.
Personally, I think he needs to retire the name. I’d go see “Axl Rose in Concert” but I don’t think I’d go see Guns n’ Roses, if it isn’t really Guns n’ Rose. Know what I mean, Vern?
Ah, but back to L.A. Guns. I’d forgotten what a great band they were.
And get this, although some of the band members have changed, they are still rockin’ it!
So let’s get started with today’s musical guest, L.A. Guns.
First, from 1991, here’s one of my favorite L.A. Guns songs, It’s Over Now.
I love that song.
Now, fast-ford-wurd to today. Lead singer, Phil Lewis is back – Tracii Guns is gone.
And here’s a song from an album released last year. This is… You Better Not Love Me
Now, I know what you’re thinking.
You’re wondering, “so what’s up with the two skanks?”
Well, that’s not very nice of you.
Nevertheless, I can’t tell you who the brunette is but, since I am an expert on redheads, I can tell you that the redhead is Jenna Lohneis. And as much as we swore that we’d be selecting some non-redheads of the week, for an entire year, Jenna Lohneis is indeed this weeks Redhead of the Week.
Jenna Lohneis
Ah… How I love a mimosa and a redhead in the morning.
Barnsley! (he yells off stage.)
I need you to get me a couple of things…
(Looks around the room… Doesn’t see anyone.)
So, to tie this all together, you may ask – what is Jenna doing in this L.A. Guns video?
Well, let’s just say that she might be doing more than just the band’s video.
I have reason to believe that she is “with” Scotty Griffin.
And who is Scotty Griffin, you ask? I love this guy. He’s the L.A. Guns bass player and he should be an inspiration to every wanna-be guitar rocker (like me) out there.
Read his story, in his own words, on his website, here… Read: My Wrecked Life
That’s it. That’s about all I have for today.
Although I would feel amiss if I didn’t give a little shout out to Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.
Fuck you, you incredible dickless douchebag!
Upon conviction, I hope we take you out into the desert, set a bomb off in your pants,
then DHL your ass back to Kyrgyzstan. Oh and… Sorry to hear about your brother – not.
Hmmm? I feel much better now.
And that really is all that I have today…
Don’t expect much next week. I’ll be headed for Napa Valley.
Perhaps a little wine will loosen the senses. One can only hope.
Peace out my dogs!
- Arch
This is the first day of my life…
March 1, 2013
I sear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
they’re spreading blankets on the beach
How’s tricks, my bezzy mates? Barnsley, here.
It pains me to report that Master Kobain has been frightfully preoccupied and unable to blog. Thereby, as opposed to further delaying our work, he has asked me to take a drag from the hubbly and attempt some of my own double Dutch.
As many of you may be aware, Sir Archibald will be hopping the pond next week to go swanning around Europe in a Gordon Bennett boozer. Lucky for us that, when he travels, he gets his twigs and berries in a knot and becomes quite inspired. We should be expecting the most upon his return.
I’ve not much to discuss, actually, but I didn’t want to be made redundant or have my John Thomas severed. So here I am and the first order of business should be to address The Master’s stalking community. We had many China plates writing in and requesting public appearance by Mr. Kobain. I’ve advised against it, as I am sure these are simple ploys for an assassination attempt. Nevertheless, a public appearance is in the works and I am happy to invite you to Washington DC this coming April to dress as American dollars and race down your nation’s capitol with Archie himself…
The event called the K Street 5K, will be held on April 13th and more information about this event can be found here… https://represent.us/kstreet5k/
We hope to see you there and remember that not all fat men are Saint Nicholas.
What else shall we ramble on about?
Hmmm…
Well, Master K did say that if I was throwing a spanner in the works, I could always just go right to selecting the non-Ginger of the week.
At first I thought this a simple task, until I began trying to sort a single bird from this endless sea of hotties. It is not an easy task at all for an old scallywagger like me. I mean, how is one to choose among…
Jennifer Ellison
Kayleigh Pearson
And for fuck’s sake, just look at the strawberry creams on…
Lucy Pinder
And in addition to this pressure, I am also supposed to select a musical guest.
I cannot comprehend how Master Kobain accomplishes this, sometimes week after week.
So take the piss out of me if you must, but I simply can’t do it. I won’t!
Lies, of course. I will most certainly pick a musical guest.
I don’t even have to give it that much thought - Nika Roza Danilova.
Better known by her stage name: Zola Jesus …god bless you.
Here is my lovely Nika, performing the song “Night”…
And Bob’s your uncle!
I think you would agree with me that, as the septics say, “my work here is done”.
And I think I’m off to Bedfordshire. My most sincere gratitude for reading.
- Barnsley
Bitch, you look wonderful tonight…
February 8, 2013
What? It’s the Eric Clapton song.
Are you sure it doesn’t say “bitch”…?
Well, that’s not the version I know.
Anyway, whatevs… I have im-po-tent things to talk about.
First of all, it had been almost 60 days – 60 days!!! – since I had allowed a giant, winged, beer can in the sky, that we like to call a big ol’ jet airliner, carry me too far away. It was a wonderful 60 days. Refreshing. If only I could have been without cell phones or computers too. Nirvana! Still… It was like being on one of those Gwyneth Paltrow bowel cleanses, where you only consume some kind of a lemonade with maple syrup, cayenne pepper and sea salt or something and all the toxins leave your body.
Sorry, Gwynie – I don’t actually know anything about this. But it looks yummy…
But just when I was almost free of all the toxins and I hadn’t been locked up, breathing-in the spoogie air generated by hundred of coughing and sneezing fellow carbon based units, I had to go visit my old friends, the King and Queen…
So, I head for l’aeroporto… (I’m learning Italian.) I have my trusty boarding pass in-hand from my friends at Delta, my favorite airline – not, and it says “Boarding Zone 3″. Now that doesn’t sound too bad. First Class must be Zone 1 and all the people with the precious metals flying rewards (gold, platinum, kryptonite, etc.) must be Zone 2… Right? Not a chance. You see, now-a-days there’s first class, then Sky Priority, then there’s the precious metals, then there’s women, children, the military, Fleetwood Mac featuring the USC marching band playing Tusk! …and then…THEN they call Zone 1. I’m like what??? Then after about 100 Zone 1 people, then they call Zone 2. Holy crap! So, about half-way through Zone 2, they announce to everyone that there is no more overhead bin space and that they have to check our carry-ons.
Really? You see, because they (the geniuses at Delta) charge you for every damn thing that you try to do, most people stopped checking bags. This causes the overhead bins to fill up quickly and it creates more work and inconveniences for everyone. This didn’t affect me but, next to me was a guy who had paid to check a bag and now he couldn’t take his carry-on with him. I’d be pissed. He was pissed. I think if you check a bag, you should have priority boarding so that you can store your carry-on. But that would mean that someone at Delta would have to give some thought to something other than how to squeeze another $5 out of every traveler. Anyway, now this poor bastard who paid to check a bag, can’t use the overhead because others, who were too cheap to check bags, used them all up. Brilliant!
So, more time goes by… Then, when there’s just me and a few homeless people, warming our hands over a burning trash can, and they finally call Zone 3. Woo hoo!
Garson!
I get to my seat (30D) and here comes another guy also with seat assignment 30D. He says, “hey…I think you’re in my seat.” I say, “I don’t think so.” Sure enough, we’ve both been assigned the same seat.
So I flag down the flight attendant… ”Garson! Excuse me – I requested a hot chick to sit on my lap during this flight and instead you guys sent me this guy!”
She says to me, “Garson means boy.” Yes – just like on Pulp Fiction.
Anyway, she takes my boarding pass, hands me a Desani and asks my last name.
I take the Desani, ask, “is this Vodka?” And follow up with, “What’s your last name?”
She assures me that we could both use some vodka but Desani is just “purified water”.
I prefer natural spring water, myself. Spring Water has some chance of having come from a spring somewhere. Desani is purified water. I’m pretty sure that means it came from the tap at a near-by Coca-Cola factory and they just ran it through some filters – maybe.
But back to my story…
I say, “Purified Water? I’m going to need some Grey Goose here – pronto. How else am I going to take my Lemon-Lime Airborne so that I can try to live through this flight, in this virus infested sardine can you call an airplane?”
Just then, she gives me a look. You know the look.
It was a look that said, “I want to party with this guy.”
I squinted my eyes just a bit, raised my eyebrows and nodded slightly to the left.
That’s the international symbol for, “even if I were attracted to women of your race, I have a strict rule about flight attendants. If your ass can’t fit down the center aisle without bouncing off every other seat, it’s probably a little too big for my taste. - not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
We understood each other. She said, “thank you, Mr. Kobain”…and left with the guy who had my same seat number. I never saw either one of them ever again. My guess is that they ended up at some hotel/motel, Holiday Inn. After all, smoking is not permitted on any Delta flight. What?
BTW, the entire time that we were talking, the guy sitting in Seat 29C was staring at her giant ass and going, “Mmmm… Mmmgh!”…and licking his lips. See. There’s someone for everyone. I’m just not for everyone.
So, what have we learned? 1) It’s not just US Air hiring flight attendants who don’t fit down the center aisle anymore. Delta is an equal opportunity employer. 2) Desani is not vodka, it may not even be water. Drink responsibly!
Cowboy
Just about the time things are settling down, here comes The Cowboy. Not only is this guy wearing a cowboy hat, he’s carrying a saddle. WTF, dude… That’s your carry-on? Wait a minute, I thought there was no more room for carry-ons???
Well, here’s the annoying thing about cowboys. Hot chicks love cowboys. If there’s a cowboy around, you and I are suddenly George Costanza. Well of course, he’s sitting right behind me. You can’t wear a cowboy hat in an airline seat and horse saddles don’t fit under the seat in-front of you, so we have to get everyone in the rear half of the plane involved in helping the cowboy with his carry-on horse saddle.
I decided I’d better set some ground rules with this cowboy, so, when he wasn’t looking, I pinched his ass and yelled, “Howdy Partner!” All the flight attendant were like, “wow… why didn’t we think of that?” But “in the end”..get it? ”In the end”… Cowboy knew not to mess with me.
But then, some random hot chick shows up… So I say, “Yes – I ordered one of those!” But no! Guess where is she sitting? Next to the cowboy – of course. Well, normally, when a hot chick sits next to you on a plane, you just say “hello”, exchange a few pleasantries and then hope she falls asleep so that you can check her out more closely. But not when there’s a cowboy involved! Especially one with a horse saddle near-by. Holy crap! They started talking about horses, and this… and that… and the other thing. Didn’t shut the hell up the entire trip. And every once in a while, when she asked him something and he need time to dream up a good answer, he would say, “oh my God” <pause> “oh… my… God!” Was he like a Valley Girl Cowboy? Oh my God… Shut the hell up. Whatever happened to loud noisy airplanes?
“Hey Cowboy… Are you a good shot? Shoot me now.”
Flyin’, Flyin’, Flyin’…
So we’re finally in the air. The airplane noise is muffling the cowboy speak just a bit, and I look over the seat in front of me and I see the top of some guy’s head. You know that hair style that many men sport where by, they are a little bald on top and they have a little hair on the sides? Well, imagine a really bad version of that. He’s not completely bald on top. He would be if maybe he groomed it a little. Instead it’s just this strange patch of fuzz and it’s in circled layers, each getting thicker and oldly shaped, as if he’d been wearing a baseball cap.
Suddenly, he starts scratching his head. Not just a little. He’s scratching all around, then flipping his hand over his head as if to knock off whatever he just scratched off! And, sure enough, there are little particle floating above his head. What the hell is that?
Are these little scalp particles? It looks like an anti-Monkey Butt powder fluff!
But it’s not. I think it’s little pieces of this guy’s head. Hovering and then dissipating into the air. The air that I didn’t want to breathe in the first place. And now, there may be microscopic scalp particles in it. WTF?
I’m looking around for a different seat. NSL (no such luck) – every seat is full. Oh, except for the one in-between the cowboy and the hot chick. Hmmm… Thought about it for a second.
Just then a flight attendant shows up, “can I get you anything to drink, Sir?”
I’m like, “Fuck no! Not unless you have a lid for that glass. You want me to drink a Sprite? It’s going to end up with scalp particles in it from Monkey Butthead over here.” Who, of course, is still scratching his head. At this point, he’s really digging in and his little scalp-dust cloud looks a bit like a smoldering volcano!
The flight attendant looks at him, makes a yuck! face. Looks at me like, “sucks to be you” – then looks at the next passenger and asks, “can I get you anything to drink?”
I’m like, “Hey… do you have a spray bottle? Maybe we can wet it to keep the dust down!”
No one is paying attention to me, except for this one guy.
I’m guessing he was a Federal Air Marshal.
So I decided to change my strategy and I started redirecting the air conditioning vents. Sure enough, I was able to create a little wind stream which blew over the guy in front of me and carried his scalp dust towards the cowboy and away from me. Whew!
Well, I made it… But you know, I once took a train from Boston to Florida because I thought my head was going to explode if I got back into an airplane. After this trip, there was no way in hell that I am getting back into an airplane any time soon. So, if you don’t hear from me for a few weeks, it’s probably because I decided to walk home from Atlanta.
How the hell am I going to get to Europe and Napa and Todos Santos… ugh!
Non-Redhead of the Week
No, Barnsley… I think I’m done for the day.
OK, fine. Barnsley is right. If we don’t do this, we’re going to get back-logged.
Fortunately, the research department has flooded me with non-redhead choices.
This week, I’m going with Erika M. Anderson who performs as EMA.
I think I’m picking Erika, by the way, because she reminds me of every girl I “hung out with” in between high school and college. She brings me back to a time of eating at Arby’s every night and listening to the Talking Heads, before everyone else listened to them.
OK, so… She’s also our musical guest today. But I must warn you, the song I’ve chosen may not be the best representation of her voice and/or musical talents. But I love the raw beginnings of this song. It’s stuff like this that makes for a great non-redhead. Enjoy.
This is Marked by EMA…
…oh, and try to ignore the freaky, non-gender specific, Addicted to Love, background person.
So, do we love her or what???
There! You happy now, Barnsley? Barnsley?
Hmmm… He better be out looking for that vodka.
Well, that’s it for today. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading today’s post.
Gotta run. Love yas!
- Arch
Is that all there is?
January 11, 2013
If that’s all there is my friends, then let’s keep dancing.
Let’s break out the booze and have a ball…
I like the sound of that.
Have you seen this?
AIG Won’t Join Lawsuit Against the US.
(Click on it to read the source story.)
So, what lawsuit is AIG no joining, you might ask? I know. Most people had forgotten about this but, AIG’s former CEO has organized a $25 billion (billion with a “b”) lawsuit on behalf of AIG shareholders, claiming that the U.S. government’s bailout deal was to expensive and that the government took too much equity in the company in return for their $182B – calling the bailout “forced”.
Huh? I guess we should have let them fail. Oh wait, I’ve been saying this that whole time. And, I bet if we did let them fail, they’d be suing us over that. I say “us” because this is just more taxpayer money – your money and my money, and the Washington money machine just lets it go on and on.
Whatevs!
I’m so tired. I’d been taking it easy for a while but this is 2013. I’ve been working on a spaceship for a lot of years and this year, we’re launching it into orbit. So take your protein pills and put your helmets on. Launching a spacecraft isn’t easy and I haven’t seen my rocket scientist friends in years – they are out sailing, where I should be.
Funny, I’ve been working until 2am every night. That’s my “hard stop” time. When it gets to be 1:45am, I’m like, “oh damn… time to go to bed”. Doesn’t matter. I’m a machine.
Rock me… Rock me.
Roll me through the night!
Doctor, Doctor, Give me the news…
I went to see a doctor the other day. There’s nothing wrong with me… Outside of deciding to go see a doctor, that is. It turns out that when your age starts rounding up to 100, they want to start poking, prodding, and sending cameras up into places that haven’t seen light since Richard Gere wanted his gerbil back.
So, I make an appointment for a “consult” and the lady on the phone says to me, “OK. Make sure you bring your insurance card, a picture ID, and all of your medications”. No worries.
Appointment day gets here,
and while staring at my bottle of Don Julio, she’s like, “what’s that?”
“That’s tequila. It was your idea that I bring all my medications!”
“In fact”, checking my watch. ”Do you guys have any shot glasses?”
Then she hands me this clipboard and wants me to fill out all this stuff.
Do you have this? Do you have that? I thought they were going to tell me!
Here were my favorite questions with my answers:
Q: Do you use alcohol?
A: Duh!
Q: Do you use cigarettes?
A: Not since I broke up with the girl that liked me to burn her neck.
Q: Do you suffer from memory loss?
A: What was the question?
Q: Do you suffer from memory loss!!!?
A: I don’t remember. Why are you people in my house?
Q: Have you ever been diagnosed with Smith-Lemli-Opitz Syndrome?
A: Is that a law firm in Fort Lauderdale?
Q: Have you ever been diagnosed with Takayasu Arteritis?
A: Do I look Japanese?
Q: Do you suffer from panic attacks?
A: Not until I had to read this list of shit I might suffer from.
Then I threw the clipboard at her and jumped out the window.
But Why Are We Really Here Today?
Is it to look at the new tax tables for 2013?
Seriously? So if you make less than $8700 per year, your marginal tax rate is increasing from 10% to 15%. That’s 5%! But all the other tax increases are smaller. Does that sound like tax increases are only affecting the ultra-successful or shall we hold hands and chant “Liar. Liar. Pants on fire!” ..at Señor Presidente?
No. That’s not why we’re here today. We can do that anytime.
We’re here because I promised a non-redhead that was more my age.
Well, here she is…
This week’s Non-Redhead of The Week is Hope Davis.
I’m going to say that 48 doesn’t get any sexier than this.
If you’re not familiar with this Jersey girl, look her up and rent some movies. You might like “About Schmidt”, for which the NY Film Critics Circle nominated her for Best Supporting Actress.
I would recommend The Nines, a crazy-assed film starring Hope with Ryan Reynolds that, at the end of the movie will leave you wondering, what the f@3k was that movie about? Yes, a little nutty and confusing, but interesting and Hope tips the scales just enough to make it worth watching.
Hmmm… I haven’t seen it in a while. Maybe I’d understand it better the second time?
Is that tequila? Call me.
Well, is that all there is for today?
It would be, if it wasn’t for this video from the movie, The Nines,
with Hope Davis singing the Peggy Lee classic Is That All There Is?
Oh, great…
Now I’m picturing her shivering in her pajamas. It’s definitely time to go.
So…??? Don’t you love it when it all comes together at the end.
You see. If you trust me… I will deliver you from evil.
And that my friends is… All There Is.
So, let’s break out the booze and have a ball!
Peace
- Arch
Happy Freakin’ New Year…
January 4, 2013
Time to Pick-up The Tab…
Well, America. You re-elected him. Now it’s time to pick-up the tab.
Obama said: We’re just going to tax the ultra-successful. (I don’t like calling them “rich”.)
Archie said: But listen here, O-man, there aren’t enough ultra-successful people. Even if you taxed all of them out-the-wazoo, that won’t work.
Of course, he already knew that but that didn’t matter. He was just trying to win an election. So now it was time to deal with the fiscal cliff. A cliff that we should have driven over. Instead, it was time to wheel & deal. And, although the ultra-successful will absolutely be paying more – so that they have less money with which to create jobs, everyone will be paying higher taxes in 2013. If you make between $50K and $75K, you’ll be paying about an extra $1000 this year. If you make more, guess what? Yup – you’ll pay more. That should cover just about everyone who reads this blog. You pay more, you pay more. Oh and you – you pay more.
By the way, for all of you who voted for Obama because he supports same-sex marriages (every now and then), even though the President has absolutely no influence whatsoever on whether or not your state allows same-sex marriage… For you, I call this The Gay Marriage Tax Increase. Now when your gay friends get married, you’ll have $1000 less with which to buy them a nice gift.
So who will be paying higher taxes,you ask? Answer: 77% of Americans!
Isn’t anyone besides me thinking, “Liar, liar.. Pants on fire?”
What do you suppose Prez O is going to do with all the cash?
I know whenever I have big debts and I get a bunch of cash in, I try to pay everything to zero. Even if I can’t get to zero, I still try to pay down my debts. After all, it shows that I am responsible with my money and it cuts down my interest charges. Surely, our fearless leader will be doing the same… Yes/No?
Actually… Uh… No.
Actually, actually… Obama’s plan is to keep spending. In order to avoid a fiscal catastrophe, we’ve now agreed to spending an extra 4 trillion dollars, which will require another raising of the debt ceiling – just as soon as Obama gets back from vacationing in Hawaii. In reality, we’re already over the debt ceiling – we hit it on New Year’s Eve. So right now, we’re basically over our credit limit but we’re still borrowing & spending using US Treasury Department trickery.
So what was this cliff we avoided?
My guess is that most people didn’t even understand what the Fiscal Cliff was about. First of all, there was no cliff. It basically consisted of two things. 1) The Bush Tax cuts were to expire and 2) $109 Billion in Federal Tax cuts went into effect. Uh… These both sound like good things.
Obama wanted to tax the ultra-successful more and, as any democrat would tell you, the Bush Tax Cuts were mainly tax breaks for the ultra-successful. So why not let them expire, then go back and reinstate some tax breaks for the middle class? Answer: Because Ben Bernake nicknamed the coincidence of these two events a potential Fiscal Cliff. That gave our government the fuel they needed to make it sound catastrophic and requiring immediate action. After all, our government doesn’t want to spend $109B less this year. That would be overly smart and responsible. Instead they want to spend more. Awesome.
That gets us back to…
Four (4) trillion dollars…without any agreement to reduce any government spending!
$4,000,000,000,000
Holy crap that’s a lot of cash. Doesn’t anyone worry about this?
I guess we could just ignore it. Like the Greeks did. What could go wrong?
Well, at least Obama isn’t just giving money away to big corporations…
Oh, wait a minute. What’s this? I thought those ultra-successful Wall Street bankers were bad guys, Mr. President. So why did we extend the “special financing” tax cuts to these guys? That costs $9 Billion dollars every year. $9 Billion!!!
Then there’s the “Liberty Zone” tax-exempt financing, which, on the surface, sounds like tax free financing to fund reconstruction around the former World Trade Center in NYC. But, upon close inspection, where is this money actually going? Oh… It’s a $1.6 Billion tax break for Goldman Sach. That makes sense. After all, people from Goldman Sachs were at the White House all last week and eventually announced that a small tax increase for all Americans was probably good idea. I guess I’d say that too if I could then get $1.6 Billion in tax breaks for my new cool offices in Manhattan
Socialist Hate Crime?
OK, so, I don’t normally promote morons by naming them here on my show (blog) but did you hear about Thom Hartmann‘s rant last week? Well, this socialist yo-yo, who apparently has his own radio talk show, suggested that being a billionaire should be illegal and that all wealth beyond $1 billion should be confiscated “to help those of us who have less”. In fact, he went on to say, “You can call it redistribution of wealth, that’s fine, I am perfectly comfortable with that language. I think we should outlaw billionaires.”
Seriously? I don’t even know what to say.
But I’ll take a crack at it… Dear Mr. Hartmann, Have you stopped to consider that there are only 425 billionaires in the United States and that they average about $4 billion dollars each? This means that if you took all the money from every billionaire in America, you might be able to keep the US afloat for about 12 months. That is, of course, just the debt borrowing needs of the country – we haven’t even helped anyone yet. If you distributed this money among all other Americans, everyone would get about $6K.
Note: I’d spend my $6K on expensive booze and cheap women.
Although, not necessarily in that order.
Then we’d have no billionaires and all the same problems we have today. Granted this is still a better plan than giving it to the government. If we did that, they’d blow about half of it first. Then we’d each get about $3K. Then we’d have no billionaires and all the same problems.
Too bad no one can think of a plan whereby billionaires could create jobs, put people to work, and generate countless dollars in payroll taxes. I guess socialist just don’t think that way. That’s right. i don’t usually do it. But I had to call this guy a socialist….
I am perfectly comfortable with that language.
But my big question is… Why isn’t getting on the air and professing that you hate billionaires a hate crime? I understand that billionaires are not a “protected group” but maybe they should be. If someone got on the air and suggested that they hated the poor, there would probably be a public outcry. Hmmm… Well, maybe Oprah will buy this guy a new car and he’ll shut the hell up. But then, I guess if all I did was have a little crazy “far left” radio talk show so that I could promote my socialistic ideas, I’d probably hate billionaires too.
And then there’s gun control…
And then there’s gun control… Did I say that twice? So please don’t think that I am accusing the democrats of planting nutty people around the country who “go off” and start randomly shooting but somehow, I wasn’t that surprised at that recent school shooting. I was somewhat expecting it and I think we can expect more of them. I think there are some looney people out there who are just crazy enough to pull the trigger on others and then on themselves so that Obama and his gang can point at them and say, “see…we need better gun controls”… and that worries me.
Here’s another thing that worries me. Gun control advocates are idiots and, in the name of safety, they’ve turned our schools into the perfect place for a looney shooter. Everyone knows that there are no weapons at a school. In other words, there’s no one there who will shoot back at you. How stupid is this?
We protect our money with armed guards, we protect our borders with armed guards, we have armed air marshals on flights. Whenever something really needs protecting, we have armed guards there – but we protect our children with unarmed guards. Does that make any sense?
Even our President, Mr Gun Control himself… He is protected by armed guards. I say when Obama disarms his guards, I’ll disarm mine. In the meantime, let’s get some armed “school marshals” trained and placed at every school in America. There – I just created some jobs.
Then there’s these mega yo-yos at Journal News in Clarkstown, NY. They published an online interactive map showing all handgun permit holders in Westchester and Rockland counties. How awesome is that? Now criminals can see exactly which house don’t have guns. This is brilliant.
But here’s the best part… After the newspaper then received some non-threatening yet somewhat concerning emails, they hired armed guards!!! I can’t make this stuff up. I’ll repeat… The big anti-gun newspaper hired guys with gun when they felt that they needed protection.
Isn’t it ironic… Don’t you think?
So every last one of the biggest anti-gun voices in the country now have people with guns protecting them. What is that, if not hypocritical?
OMG! I think my head is going to explode.
I need something to calm me down. Let’s switch to something fun. How about….
Blonde of The Week. What?
Unrolling a giant scroll, he began to read…
“And now, by the power vested in me by the states of Florida, California, and Tennessee, and the fine people of the British Virgin Islands, technically including Foxy, the guy who owns Foxy’s Bar and Her Majesty, The Queen, I hereby pronounce 2013 the year of the non-redhead.”
[Rejoicing is overheard from the crowd gathered outside the palace, predominantly consisting of hot chick blondes and brunettes.]
“But be forewarned my follow citizens”, he continued. “2014 will once again be a year of the redhead. Years that end in 4 always are.”
Remembering the ancient “Rule of 4′s”, the crowd acknowledged that their time to shine was limited but collectively resolved to make the most of the next 12 months.
So, who will have the honor of being the first non-redhead of the week? Much thought was given to this. As if an entirely new world had been opened up to them, the research department spent countless sleepless nights away from their usual rigorous schedule of porn downloading, so they could familiarize themselves with blondes, brunettes, and others…
…but at the end of the day, the choice was mine. My first thought was to avoid some of the usual criticisms by selecting someone “more my age” – but that’s just silly. Instead, I decided to go with a young punk in her mid-20′s. You know, before she hits then big Three-Oh and becomes to old for me. I’ll feature someone more-my-age next time.
And so, our first Non-Redhead (Blonde) of The Week is… Jemina Pearl
[Spoken like Butthead (from Beavis & Butthead)]
“Hey, baby…”
So… ”Where do we know Jemina from”, you might ask?
Well, you may have heard that I love time-traveler bands. You know, bands from now, who could have fit in, in the 80′s, who like like a girlfriend, that I has in February of last year…?
Well, one such band was Be Your Own Pet and JP was their lead singer. Be Your Own Pet was like a late 80′s early 90′s Garage Punk Band. They were awesome fun and with Jemina as their front person, they were also easy to watch. Unfortunately, BYOP is no longer together. 
So what is this lovely creature doing now-a-days?
Well, when she’s not hanging out with Archie (which is pretty much all the time), she’s working on a project called Ultras S/C. After some minimal listening, however, I don’t think I like Ultras S/C. So far, what I’ve heard, sounded like a Dead Kennedys experiment gone bad. But hey, I’m diggin’ the longer hair…
Ah, but we’re not done with her yet.
That’s right… This week’s Musical Guest… Be Your Own Pet.
So many good one to pick from, which shall it be?
OK, here’s BYOP performing Adventure.
Don’t you love her?
Well, I do… and that’s what matters around here.
I usually have to pause that video right around 1:30 just to check out her cute face
And what was that guy, a giant bunny… Who hunts giant bunnies?
I guess if you hunt giant bunnies, you have to make sure you get his girlfriend too.
Hmmm… Now that I’m thinking about it, I probably shouldn’t have featured her in a blog post where I totally bash the democrats. It’s hard to imagine that a 25-year old female punk rocker wouldn’t be a democrat. I won’t even bother with a “call me, maybe”. :)
Just in cased you’re reading, JP. I’m NPA, baby… No Party Affiliation! I actually don’t like either side. They both suck for their respective reasons. I think they keep our country divided and prevent us from moving forward. Maybe, we should write a song about that?
Well…no matter. I gotta run.
So, that’s it for this week.
See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!
And, oh yeah… Happy Freakin’ New Year!
We’re off to a great freakin’ start, aren’t we?
<smootches>
- Arch
You didn’t know that rock-n-roll burned…
December 21, 2012
So you bought a candle,
and you lived and you learned…
World Ending – Later Today!
That’s right. Today is it. If you haven’t done so yet, today is the day to get right with God or make love with a stranger. I guess you could do both. And if in the middle of the love making, you or the stranger yells out, “Oh God”, you may be killing two birds with one, uh…, stone?
So, is today the end of the world or is it really just the end of the current baktun?
Are we not going to make is to JC’s Rockin’ Birthday Party this year (December 25th)…? I think we will be around next week. I mean, while some people sat around and did nothing about this, others actually assembled a plan and solved the problem…
Doesn’t matter. Either way, it’s my excuse for not having bought a single Christmas present. That’s right. If you’re waiting on a gift from me, you’re gettin’ nuttin for Christmas. So, hopefully this Mayan calendar things works out for me. By the way, I now pronounce Christmas – Christ Mass. Get it right. Remember what I said above. ”Get it right with God”…? OK, here we go. Say Christ, just like you would say Jesus Christ. Then add Mass to the end. Christ Mass. Perfect. That’s for everyone with the bumper stickers that say, “Keep Christ in Christmas”. Oh, I’m definitely putting Christ in Christmas. By the way, your bumper stickers are hardly effective anymore. When was the last time you saw anyone write X-mas?
Subtle Innuendos Follow
OK, so… It’s sometimes difficult for me to tell the difference between a metaphor and an innuendo. According the some online dictionaries, a metaphor is when you make comparisons between things that are nothing alike, without really calling out the comparison. For example: “As I walked through New York City, I was lost in an endless sea of faces.” Since faces aren’t actually part of a sea, that’s a metaphor. An innuendo, on the other hand, is simply a way of saying something while completely saying something else – an allusive or oblique remark or hint A good example comes to us from Led Zepplin: ”Squeeze my lemon baby. Let the juice run down my leg.”
In general, innuendos seem to get a bad rap. Most people, when they think of an innuendo, they think of a sexual innuendo – like my Led Zepplin example. Of course, there can be other types of innuendos. They don’t all have to be sexual. For example: “I hear your submarine has a fur sink.” - or - “Larry needs a new dashboard gasket.” OK, maybe those are sexual too. I have no idea. I just made those up.
My point is that, it’s time to start turning the sexual innuendo around and instead, we should simply use “sex” as an innuendo for something else. For example, I’ve now started using “having sex” as an innuendo for “having food”. So now, when I’m hungry and thinking of stepping out for lunch with a co-worker, I say, “hey… you wanna have sex with me?” Nothing wrong with that. Sex is just an innuendo for lunch. You want to get together with some friends for dinner & drinks, you say… ”Hey everyone! You wanna get together for drinks & sex tonight?”
I think this is going to catch on.
In the event that the world doesn’t end…
We should think about the future of our country. Do you ever wonder why we are so dependent on petroleum? I mean, it’s 2012! Weren’t we supposed to be all solar and green by now, running on di-lithium crystals or something? Somewhere I read that if, over the past 40 years, the automotive industry would have made advancements equivalent to the computer industry, then today we would all have cars that could travel at super-sonic speeds and go hundreds of miles on a thimble of gasoline. But why haven’t we done that? And why do we continue to send our money to China to buy cheap goods, when we have unemployed people here who could make better products for about the same price?
The answer is that, although a lot of things could be fixed and/or improved, there are a lot of companies who make big money by keeping things the way they are. Therefore, these companies want things to stay the way they are, even though they are bad for us and bad for our country – because it means profits for them. Big profits..and they use these big profits to buy our politicians. This way, no one will pass laws that affect their business. The end result is that you and I continue to be dependent on foreign oil, we drive cars that get crappy gas mileage, and everything we pick up is made in China. The list goes on and on.
Here’s a prime example: A few months ago, the Obama administration released a plan that was called, “groundbreaking”, whereby, by the year 2025, all cars and light-duty trucks made in the US have will have to get the equivalent of 54.5 miles per gallon. Not sure what they mean by this “equivalent” thing. Anyway… El Presidente was quoted as saying, “These fuel standards represent the single most important step we’ve ever taken to reduce our dependence on foreign oil.”
Here’s the official article on the White House’s website. <<article>>
Notice that was released on August 28th, 2012. Well, just a few days before, on August 22nd, 2012, British car maker, Trident, issues a press release announcing their new car, the Iceni Grand Tourer.
This car, available in 2013, has a top speed of about 200 MPH and gets 70 MPG. That’s 70 miles per gallon. Today! So here’s my question. If the Brits can produce a car today that gets 70 MPH, why do I have to wait 13 years, so that I can buy a US made car that gets 54.5 MPG?
My guess is that the Brits don’t care about oil company profits and Obama wants to release a plan that sounds like he’s doing something, when actually he’s just keeping us down while appeasing the oil companies. So, apparently, even the Brits are now making cars that are more efficient than US cars.
And before anyone points out to me that the Iceni is a $119K car… Yes. I know that. But don’t you think that someone could take that same technology and build a regular car. One that doesn’t top out at 200 MPH and within say 5 years we could have a 70 MPG car for under $40K?
Well, anyway… I could go on and on and talk about the economy, free enterprise, at the end of the day, nothing is going to change until we get the money out of politics. Learn more about how we’re going to do this here: http://unitedrepublic.org/
Doesn’t matter if you’re a Rep or a Dem, left, right, North, South, Black or white.
Get informed. Get involved.
But then, just in case the world does end…
We shouldn’t go out without a redhead. I try to never go out without a redhead.
But I think we need something bigger than the usual. It’s the end of the year as you know it and possibly the end of the world – and I feel fine. But seriously, I think we need…
(drum roll)
Redhead of The Year
And I’m giving this prestigious honor to… Felicia Day. I love her.
And as Redhead of The Year, we will feature multiple photos of Felicia…
Ah, that’s some queer skirt – that one.
Sorry. Barnsley’s cousin from Ireland has been teaching me Irish slang.
Oh, and Felicia is also our musical guest today.
So here she is with… I’m The One That’s Cool.
Also, for being selected as Redhead of The Year, you get to spend New Year’s Eve with me at my private VIP table at TAO in New York City. Wait, was that an innuendo?
Call me, maybe?
And just in case this blog post ends…
That, my friends, wraps it up for Planet Earth.
It’s been nice knowing you. Thanks for reading. Thanks for all the beer & tequila.
And if the world doesn’t end anytime soon…
I guess I’ll see you in 2013.
Peace & Love
- Arch
Ain’t nobody got time for that…
November 16, 2012
You know, whenever you turn a certain age, younger people tend to ask you what it’s like.
“Hey… What’s it like to be 30? What’s it like to be 40?” My traditional answer going back was that 40 felt a lot like 39, which felt a lot like 38, which felt a lot like 37 – you get the idea. In fact, I thought being 50 was really a lot like being 49. So I really wasn’t expecting 51 to be any different – but it is. I’m changing. My thoughts are changing, my priorities are changing. And it all seems to be happening in front of me, in a surreal fashion, as if I were watching it on TV.
I’m even quoting Van Hagar…
Well if you wanna see other guys…
Baby, I could let it slide.
You want a lover, you want a friend?
Mama, I can be both of them…
I never used to quote Van Hagar.
One thing that has changed is that, I give even less of a shit than I ever have about being politically correct or about what other people think of me or about pissing anyone off. It’s awesome. It’s almost as liberating as not watching the news since June of 2008. At the same time, I have a much higher appreciation and respect for what is important to others. I appreciate how much some people embrace their culture or heritage. These things are important. It’s what makes us who we are.
That said, I have little tolerance for “non-sense” – my new favorite word.
This leads me to a follow-up topic from last week…
So, what is up with the Native Americans?
Last week, they whined about the No Doubt video which was subsequently “pulled”.
Well, this week they were back at it again and got upset with Victoria’s Secret.
Apparently, we 20 year old Victoria’s Secret model, Karlie Kloss, strolled down the runway in noting but a feather headdress, buckskin bikini and some turquoise jewelry. An outfit which the Vicky Secret folks thought would represent Thanksgiving, the Native American community was, once again, “outraged” for its misappropriation of cultural attire.
Seriously? All I saw was a hot chick wearing a bikini, some jewelry, and some feathers.
Would they have been less upset if she wore only the headdress? …less feathers?
I don’t get it. Do they think they have the exclusive rights to use a feather headdress?
Guess what? Natives inhabitants from around the globe incorporated the use of feathers when decorating themselves, their women, children, chiefs and others. I’m thinking that the use of a feather headdress is in the public domain and it’s nothing more than a feather headdress. Not some symbol of any Native American community. Especially not when it’s on a hot chick in a fashion show.
Then – get this, some blog, who I will not popularize by naming or linking, said that VS was “jumbling all American Indian cultures into one mish-mash”. No they weren’t. It looks like a mish-mash of things to you because, it wasn’t patterned after you. It wasn’t meant to represent any American Indian anything.
And by the way, I have read the reports concerning the high number of rape cases involving Native American women. There are some very disturbing reports out there. It is a very sad situation that deserves the utmost attention and investigation and needs to be stopped. But to say that Victoria’s Secret was somehow trying to sex-up Native American women at a time when Native American women are being targeted by rapist is really ridiculous (aka “non-sense”) and quite a stretch to try and get a rise out of people. I don’t see it.
Just in case you’re curious, all other outfits showcased at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show appeared to only created a mish-mash of non-Native themes and only sexed-up non-Native white women and that seemed to be OK with everyone. except maybe me – I’m definitely offended here somewhere. Not sure where. I’ll get Barnsley working on it.
He thinks I am mostly offended by what Lily Aldridge wore…
Lily Aldridge – Red, White & Blue Head of the Week
I think he’s right.
I’m so offended that I’m making her Red, White & Blue Head of the Week.
Archie’s People…
My people, by the way, were originally from Hispañola and had migrated to Caobana (“Cuba”). Most of our people were slaughtered during colonization. I believe one eye-witness described the scene as – a village of about twenty-five hundred who welcomed the Spaniards, fed them and gave them drink, was immediately wiped out once the feast was over, “they set upon the Indians,” he wrote, “slashing, disemboweling and slaughtering them until their blood ran like a river.”
So pardon me if I occasionally have to wear a few feathers in honor of my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great ancestors…
Archie “Hatuey” Oso Corriendo
Now I know what’s going to happen. I have friends who are going to say to me, “hey… I’m part Cherokee or I’m part Navajo”. Two things: 1) I got no beef with you. I still love you, Brothas. 2) After writing that, I’m really thinking you guys should go after the auto industry.
A Continuation of Political Incorrectness…
Remember Antoine Dobbs? Well, he’s not back but I think there’s a sequel.
This song is so catchy, I’ve been singing it for days.
Who has time to have a song stuck in their head, “ain’t nobody got time for that”..?
Here’s YouTube Hit “Sweet Brown”. The full news clip followed by the “video mix”…
I know. I love it. It’s OK – go back and play it again.
I think each of the 9 million viewers should send her a dollar.
That would be awesome. I bet she’d have time for that.
Reflections of the Arch…
So, remember the days when Archie was funny? I know. Some misguided readers still think I’m funny. No, no… I mean really funny. What killed those days? Was it politics? Was it the election? Was the turning 51? Is it the missing redhead?
[Barnsley is overheard off stage: "Missing Redhead?"]
Ain’t nobody got time for that, Barnsley.
“These wheels keep turning but they’re running out of steam…”
I do have a lot to talk about.
But I don’t know if I have the energy to speak or write.
Oh, while I’m thinking about it. I heard a rumor that certain ladies out there are considering dying their hair red to try and qualify for Redhead of the Week. I love it!
Oh and check this out, my fellow Floridians…
And sign this online petition, today!
If you’re not from Florida, you can use that site and find one or start one for your state.
After the recent presidential election, 20 states filed petitions asking to withdraw from the Union. What’s funny is the people commenting on other websites saying, “if Florida recedes from the Union, I’m moving”. LOL… Well, there’s no need to pack. States cannot actually leave the Union. I think this is merely a symbolic gesture. Nevertheless, we got our 25000 signatures. So now, the white house actually has to issue a response. I love it.
OK but… Back to me.
An Archie Hiatus?
I think I need some time off. I think I need to spend some time listening to nothin’ but the sound of the wind powering some sails and some warm Caribbean waters splashing against the hull.
So, is it over?
“It’s not over until we say it is.
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?”
[Barnsley: Germans?"]
“It may be over but it won’t stop there,
I am here for you if you’d only care.”
[Bansley: James Blount, really?"]
I know. Sorry Barns.
Anyway, the big question is…
Will Archie be back? …after the holidays? …in 2013?
My answer is probably…
“…or we’ll just end up walkin’ in the cold November rain.”
- Arch
Everything that is wrong with America…
November 9, 2012
Captain America’s been torn apart
Now he’s a court jester with a broken heart
He said, turn me around and take me back to the start
I must be losing my mind, are you blind?
I’ve seen it all a million times
So, this has nothing to do with the election…
(at least the first part doesn’t)
First of all, it has to do with the New York Marathon.
As you probably know, after Hurricane Sandy put a serious hurting on the Northeastern U.S., leaving many without homes and many more without power, the New York Road Runners, organizers of the event, decided to cancel this year’s marathon. New York City’s Mayor Bloomberg favored moving forward and continuing to hold the race. Due to overwhelming public criticism, however, the Road Runners decided to cancel the event. Seriously?
I understand that Sandy left many people devastated with the loss of family, homes and whatever else you can think of. And if the marathon were held and it’s organizers didn’t offer to somehow support the Hurricane Sandy victims, we could surely criticize them then and call them insensitive and/or greedy. But who are we, the whiny American public, to demand that an organization like the New York Road Runners should suffer an even greater hit than what Hurricane Sandy had already delivered.
Instead of putting the marathon in a position to help, this decision, based on public criticism, is potentially costing the marathon millions in lost revenues, refunds to runners, and refunds to sponsors and television broadcasters who paid for an event that didn’t happen. Not to mention all the money spent by runners, many of whom traveled to New York, only to then find out that the event was being cancelled.
Have we really become a country of “poor us”, “poor them”, “poor me”..? And once someone cries “poor me”, then everything else is fair game, regardless of who gets hurt? If this were a smaller, or less well-funded, organization this cancellation could put them out of business. I guess no one cares about that and all the goodwill that the marathon generates every year. Shame on us – the whiny American public.
Next is the No Doubt video…
You know No Doubt… Gwen Stefani… Possibly the coolest hot chick on the planet?
Well, No Doubt released a video for their new song, Looking Hot. (Yes, Gwen – you are.)
Gwen Stefani “Looking Hot”
After watching the video, I’m convinced that Gwen and the boys were making fun of old cowboy/western movies but apparently the Native American community found the video offensive. Seriously? How is this video offensive? Oh, that’s right… It’s the whiny American public again or, in this case, the whiny Native American public.
I know – there go my chances or ever running for public office.
God forbid that I exercise amendment given right of freedom of speech.
Maybe I don’t like Sterlin Harjo’s portrayal of white people in his film Barking Water. Aaron Riggs plays the part of Elvis in the film. Is Harjo saying that all white people from Tennessee remind him of Elvis? …or is he making fun of white American heritage? I’m offended either way – or – is it possible that I’m just being a little overly sensitive? You know, like the turmoil over the No Doubt video.
Aaron Riggs as Elvis
BTW… Nothing personal, Sterlin, I was just trying to prove my point.
So, in the end, No Doubt took their video down down from their official Vimeo and/or YouTube sites and issued an apology stating, “it was never our intention to offend anyone”. Of course, you weren’t… This whole ting is silly. The good thing is that, although the video has (technically) been “pulled”. I found it here…
http://en.musicplayon.com/play?v=775232
Hopefully it stays up for a while there.
So now, you watch it and you tell me…
Do you find this potentially offensive in any way?
Whiny America wins again.
By the way, once upon a time, right after the first No Doubt tour, Gwen Stefani dyed her hair red. Apparently she didn’t like it but that shouldn’t stop her from being this week’s Redhead of The Week…
And now, onto the election…
Neither candidate really addressed the issues surrounding our nation’s debt crisis. That’s probably because it is spiraling out of control and no one really know what to do about it. Not talking about it is a good political strategy because, to solve it, all Americans will have to feel the pain and we the whiny American public doesn’t want to hear about that. So let’s ignore the problem and see if it goes away. My bet is that it will not.
All that said, President Obama ran a brilliant campaign. He kept focusing on the fact that Romney was a rich guy who had made a lot of money and pays less taxes than you do. Of course, the taxes part isn’t true but political campaigns are mostly immune to whole truth in advertising thing. So, if you’re not a rich guy, it’s pretty easy to hate rich guys – after all, they have everything. If on top of that, he pays less taxes than we do – then he’s just a self-centered lyin’, cheatin’ bastard right? Of course he is.
Then there’s the part where Romney wanted to fix healthcare, medicare and social security because the mathematicians will tell you that the current system is going to fail soon. Well, it was easy to say, “Look – the rich guy wants to change everything and screw you out of the things that you’ve been promised”. So, instead of taking responsibility for these things, let’s just stay the course, ignore the problems, and hope they go away. My bet is that they will not.
At the end of the day, President Obama brilliantly targeted the whiny American public and said, “poor you, poor me – please don’t let the rich guy run our country. Instead, I promise to take from the rich and give to poor you” …and the whiny American public voted.
Now, let’s put the election behind us and start “the real work”. Let’s figure out how to unite Americans on common ground and form a new major political party. Let’s focus on the things we all want and throw out the things that divide us and should have anything to do with our national government. I believe more than 60% of America will join us if we do this properly. Then our country can really start to make progress and end the ridiculousness which defines American politics today.
You can start today. Obama was re-elected. Now let’s see if he’s willing to start fixing things. Weren’t you tired of watching the dirtiest election campaigns in history with all the lies and negative ads? Thank you to the Supreme Court and Citizen’s United for that. Well, again – let’s see if we can fix it. Let start here. By signing this open letter to the President.
https://www.unpac.org/dear-mr-president/
Thanks for reading…
Thanks for caring…
- Arch
The highway’s jammed…
November 2, 2012
…with broken heroes on a last chance power drive.
Everybody’s out on the run tonight,
but there’s no place left to hide
Who is Wendy?
Well kids, it’s crunch time.
If I can leave you with one thought, it would be this…
Never, ever elect any president for a second term – never.
You see, it’s in the second term when they get really crazy.
If they did really crazy stuff on their first term, they know they won’t get re-elected.
So, until we can follow the manifesto and launch or own party – just keep switching sides.
Some would argue that this would prevent anything for ever getting done in Washington.
Really… How would that be any different than the last 20 years?
And here’s another thing (because, I’ve been drinking) -
Boooo! …on the whole system.
You know what we need to focus on? Our financial crisis.
Both presidential candidates know about this. They both understand that our problem is looming – but neither one is really addressing this. That makes them both criminally irresponsible – in my opinion. The problem is that, most Americans don’t understand what’s going on. They don’t think it’s real – but it is. And I think this video does a fairly good job at explaining it, in mostly non-partisan rhetoric…
So, you know who you need to vote for?
You need to vote for whoever you think has a snowball’s chance in hell of addressing this.
Me? i already voted.
Early voting my friends. I love it.
By the time we find out who won, I’ll be in Puerto Rico. Seriously!
If you’re reading this – you should be with me.
That’s it. Short and sweet. I gotta run.
I have a plane to catch and Barnsley is ordering up another round of Presidente Margaritas!
Although I doubt the best man will win – because, he’s not really in the running,
Let’s all make sure we’re making America #1. See you on the other side.
Cheers
Love yas!
- Arch
Stuck it in the needle…
October 19, 2012
And I shot it in the middle
And it, it drove me out of my mind
I should have known better
Said I wish I never met her
Said I, I leave it all behind
Yowsa!
Violence on Television
You know, I’m not usually one to complain about what gets put on the airwaves. My philosophy is that, if you don’t want to watch it – turn the channel or, better yet, turn it off. But it’s getting a little ridiculous. Just the other day, I turn on the LEDs – it really incorrect to say “tube” these days – and there is live coverage of an old man beating the crap out of a little kid. I was about to call the police or the FBI or somebody, but it turns out that it was the Vice Presidential debate.
You know, the worst part about today’s political process is the avalanche of twisted truths that the two parties constantly throw at each other to try and confuse the public into seeing things their way. The interesting part to me is that, these are not stupid people. So when they throw these things out there, they must know that they are purposely misguiding the public. It’s seriously disgusting.
Actual Actuality
One thing that always gets me is the idea that by taxing the rich, as if there were that many rich people, we could solve the country’s financial crisis. Then they all talk about the number of American who pay no income tax, which is different, by the way, from American who do not file tax returns. Well, jeez… I thought if you didn’t tax taxes, you went to jail? Not always.
First of all, in some not-too-outdated document that I read (sorry for the lack of details), there was an estimated 42 million American living at or below the poverty level. These people do not pay taxes because they don’t make enough. Senior citizens, living exclusively off Social Security also have no taxable income and, in many cases, do not have to file a return. That’s a lot of people – but that doesn’t make all of these people mooches or tax evaders.
Then there’s the thing about lower income people paying a higher percentage of taxes. Well, it turns out that this is many times true. Particularly when you weigh in state and local taxes. Somewhere (again – I think it was USA Today) I read that in Alabama, if you make $13K per year, you spend about 11% of that on state & local taxes, where if you made $230K, you only spend about 4% on state & local taxes.
OK. So there are two things to note here. First, these are state and local taxes, not federal taxes. Next, the above figures only make sense. State and local taxes are mostly basic usage taxes. So for example, if you only have $4 to you name and you buy milk for $2 – you could say that you spend 50% of your money on milk. On the other hand, a guy with $100 will buy the same $2 milk and he’s only spending 2% of his money. And guess what, we can’t charge rich people more for milk. We already charge them more for the houses they live in, and the cars they drive, and the trips they take, and the seats they sit in on airplanes.
It’s also important to understand that when people talk about paying federal taxes, they mostly mean income taxes. So if you have twenty million dollars under your mattress but you didn’t work last year and you made no income – you don’t have to pay income tax. If you’re a frat boy, living large at an Ivy League college and driving around in your Porsche 911, while mommy and daddy pay all your bills, you don’t have to pay income tax.
But hey… Blame the game, not the players.
So, more or less, that takes care of the people not paying taxes.
Now I have to break my silence about The Two Yo-Yos. Because this really pisses me off!
We should tax the crap out of Romney, right?
There are a few little words that Obama throws in, whenever he brings up the fact that Romney only paid 14% on his $20M income last year. These are very important words. He always says, “that’s the Capital Gains tax rate”.
Does anyone know what that is?
Most American don’t pay capital gains tax. Capital gains is what you pay when you sell a business or sell investments, and it’s paid on the difference between your basis (what you paid for it) and what you sold it for. So, for example, if you buy a business for $1M and sell it years later for $3M, you have to pay capital gains tax on the $2M that you are making on that transaction.
So, here is what makes President Obama so out of touch with small business. Every time that he asks, “why should Mitt Romney only pay 14% in taxes, while you pay 25% or 30%?” he’sw comparing payroll taxes to capital gains taxes. And here’s what he doesn’t get…
Let’s pretend that some entrepreneur , not completely unlike me, decides to start a business. He’s a young punk with very little money or credit but decided to move forward anyway. So, on a shoe string, armed with a credit card (with a $2500 limit), he launches his business. Every business statistic on the planet says that he’ll probably fail in the first two years. During these first two years, however, he works hard and takes home very little money. At some point he calculates how much money he’s making for the hours that he’s putting in and laughs that he’s averaging 15 cents per hour.
But wait, the IRS dictates that small business owners need to take a fair salary and pay payroll taxes, even if the company isn’t making money. OK, so… Before even being ready or making money, the government is making sure they get theirs.
The small business person makes it work. He survives the first few years and slowly starts to make more money. He sees his friends only working 8 hours or less per day while the small business person works his ass off – and doesn’t necessarily get twp weeks of vacation per year, because even when he’s on vacation, he’s back at work. Most people separate themselves from the finances of where they work, they just want their paycheck. The small business person doesn’t sleep at night thinking about finances, after all – he’s responsible for keeping a bunch of people employed.
So let’s say that, for years, this small business person keeps up the fight, now he’s making some money, paying payroll taxes just like you and keeping others employed. Now there’s an economic downturn and shit hits the fan. As a small business person, everything is at risk. Now let’s say that he needs a little extra cash to keep the business going and keep everyone employed. The small business person goes to see his banker and is essentially laughed out the door. He is told, “a few years ago I could have helped you”.
That translates to, “in order to protect the public, the Obama administration passed a whole bunch of new banking laws that prevent us from loaning money to those who need it”.
So the small business owner has to make a decision: Do I close my doors or risk all that I’ve made so far? Answer: The small business person goes home and takes money out of his IRAs or 401K, pays penalties for taking that money and put his personal future at risk again – but the business survives and his employees stay working.
Remember, during all of this time, he is taking payroll and paying payroll taxes – just like you.
Now, after say – 10 or more long years, the small business person decided to sell his business. He’s worked hard and now his business is worth a million bucks! A let’s say that he had started this business, as described above for little or no money, so his cost basis is $0. This means he has to pay capital gains taxes on the whole $1M.
So President Obama is saying that now, after all of this – I guess since he thinks the small business person didn’t really build his business, the government did – he should have to pay 25% to 30% of that to the government, just as if it were payroll taxes.
So after years of hard work, putting others to work, paying payroll taxes every step of the way, putting everything at risk, and getting little or no help financially from anyone, President Obama thinks that a 14% capital gains tax isn’t enough. So now that small business guy sells his business for $1M and Obama wants $300K from him.
Is it disrespectful to say “fuck you” to the president of the United States?
Probably. OK, so then I won’t do it.
The Silence Resumes
So, as you may remember, I am ready to look past the election. After all, one of The Two Yo-Yos are going to win and really, really – not much will change. We need to start working on the things that really matter, like getting money out of politics.
Well, I found this website that was highly entertaining and on point.
It’s called The Story of Stuff Project: http://www.storyofstuff.org/
If you’ve been reading my reading my “stuff”, I think this video will hit home.
I probably couldn’t have put it together better myself.
Here’s The Story of Citizens United…
And with that, my friends, and a quick Red Head of the Week…
Redhead of the Week
…we end another broadcast day.
See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.
- Arch
