Archie Kobain

I know that’s not what it says…
Because, why would it say that?

I’m a little depressed today. I had to fire Barnsley.

He brought me a 2009 Bodegas Montebuena Rioja (Cosecha).  It’s actually a pretty good tempranillo.

I’m going to call it earthy, deep dried fruit flavors, for when you’re in the market for a heavy Spanish wine at a really good street price…around $11.

But I was in the mood for an Oregon Pinot and he should have known that. If I’m going top keep a bartender around, he needs to be a mind reader.

And you know what they say, “Once you go Noir…”

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Got motion, restrained emotion
Been driving, Detroit leaning
No reason…just seems so pleasing
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice

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Well, Tuesday was Qingming, better known as Tomb Sweeping Day.

This is the day when all good Chinese are supposed to visit the tomb of their dead ancestors and clean the area up, bring fresh flowers, and even set off firecrackers to scare away any evil spirits that may be trying to bother said dead ancestors.  My grandmother couldn’t stand firecrackers. I’m sure that instead, she’d just make friends with the evil spirits, make them some Cafe con Leche. Then she’d tell them some stories about Cuba and convince them to not be so evil. But I digress…

Apparently, some Chinese claim to be too busy for this tomb sweeping ritual and have been hiring a tomb sweeping service…. they really do have everything in China!  As you can imagine, many Chinese are appalled at those who even consider such a thing. But that’s nothing… someone is offering Online Tomb Sweeping.  How does that work?  Google it yourself. I don’t want to know and I’m not providing a link.

But this stuff is important… why?

Because by my calculations, by the year 2030, we’re all going to have to speak Chinese.  At least enough to say, “please don’t repossess our country”.

But that’s atopic for another time…

Today’s topic:

Why Body of Proof is a much better show than any CSI or CSI-alike.

 I don’t like most things on television. I don’t like bad acting, I don’t like implausible plots – unless it’s the point of the show.  And even then, it needs to be a plausible implausible plot, which is why I love Fringe. …Bad Robot!

CSI, on the other hand,  I can’t stand it. First of all, how long has it been on…
Wasn’t it originally on at the same time as Texaco Star Theater?

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Volare, oh-oh
Cantare, oh-oh, oh-oh
Let’s fly way up to the clouds
Away from the maddening crowds

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This means that, for all practical purposes, I can’t watch CBS – or – as I like to call it, The CSI Channel – All CSI, All The Time.  But what triggered this writing is that, just the other day, I was railroaded into watching an episode of  Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior.  This almost led to an episode of the one episode show, Archie Hangs Himself.  Now, I know that techinically Criminal Minds is not CSI…because I looked it up. But you know, it’s on the CSI Channel and it’s exactly like CSI. It has all the elements…. Bad acting, they stumble upon clues, some miraculous computer technology helps them along. It has the highly ethical driven guy, the brilliant & goofy computer nerd…who in real life marries her “friend” (with benefits)…

Then there’s that Forest Whitaker guy…
I bet he’s a really nice guy but how non-believable is he in this role? He comes off like this average guy who is desperately trying hard to come across like a tough cop who is personally moved by every case.  Was he friends with the casting director?  Does he just have that good of an agent?  Admittedly, I’ve only seen the one show.
Remember, I couldn’t risk any more TV induced near suicides.

I’m not saying anything about the eye.
But I thought this was funny: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Forest_Whitaker’s_Lazy_Eye

What are the chances that he actually wrote in?  Doesn’t matter.  Funny either way.

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In the episode that I saw, they were trying to track someone down – imagine that. They knew the guy had gone in some particular direction. Let’s say…West.  So they go West and stop at random diner somewhere along the way.  What luck! The first person they run into, sees the suspect’s photo and, of course, tells them that the guy was just there and he was headed that-a-way. They noticed the car he was driving…everything. Does this really happen in real life?  I know, I know…they only get one hour but it’s just ridiculous.  (Kind of like spelling “ridiculous”.  It think it should be “re”).

So the big question is, “why is Body of Proof so much better?” Sure, it has its share of non-believable characters but they make up for it with two words:  Dana Delaney.

Note: That may not be a current photograph but, fear not.
I’m sure that whatever you need is still there…but we should gratuituously see at least one more picture of here, don’t you think?

Dana Delany, ladies and gentlemen…
Looking pretty damn good at 55.
Everyone should have one.
Maybe two or three  if you live in Utah.

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When there’s no one else in sight,
in crowded lonely night,
Well, I wait so long for my love vibration
And I’m dancing with myself…
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By the way, Dana.  I see that you were just on Jimmy Kimmel.

You’re invited here, to the Archie Kobain Show, anytime.

*  sigh!  *

Well, Dana or no Dana, that really is all the time that we have today.
Keep a bottle of wine handy. Watch Fringe – Friday Nights at 9pm ET.
Keep you hands off my Dana and I’ll see you next time.
Right here on the channel of love.

Cheers

– Archie