Archie Kobain

Well, based on getting booed off-stage last week and audience members demanding their money back. I felt that we should start this week’s show with this message…

Just kidding… Thanks, Charlie.

What a excellent week. People are digging my new blog and the weather has been spectacular with awesome gold and purple sunsets every night in Tortola.

Plus, the Internet has reached either a new depth of immorality – or – some entreprenuers have reached a new level of brilliance. You know that there’s a very fine line between those two. We’ll get to that in a minute.

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First, I need just a second…

Barnsley!  [He yells off stage.]
I’m going to need a couple of chilled shots of Herradura over here. Añejo, please…and just a couple of limes.

No need to spooge up good tequila with salt.

Oh, by the way… Barnsley is back.
Can I have him get you anything?

Barnsley!  [He yells, looking around confused.]

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 I drank tequila and watched the game in the bar
I don’ t care who loses, I don’t know who the teams are

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Okay, Okay…  Okay!
Get this…  There a new dating website, designed…and this is their words, not mine.  Don’t shoot the messenger. Okay…  designed so that “generous” people can date “attractive” people.  In other words, if you have some cash, you can pay an attractive person to go out with you. I know, this is not a new concept. It’s just new to the web.

So, I’m thinking that, if you are an attractive person or someone with a reasonable personality, whatever, you could probably get someone attractive to go out with you for free.  Therefore, I’m thinking this translates to… 
“Hey ugly people…come here where, you buy dates with atrractive people”.

This brings up a lot of question…
The first question is usually, “how does this differ from prostitution?”

OK. Settle down. I’ll field that one… Prostitution involves selling sex. Charging for your time (in a non-sexual capacity) is perfectly legal. Consultants, attorneys, etc., do this all the time. Right?  

And of course, there’s always that gray area where, you got screwed by your attorney…  And, YES.  I think that is prostitution…  So-to-speak… But don’t get me started on that.  My attorney, for example, has never screwed anyone…  “Hi Geoff.”   🙂  <whew>

OK, so where was I?   Oh, yes…  So what happens if you pay someone to go out on a date with you, things go really well, and she decides to take you home…  Do you have to get your money back otherwise it could be prostitution?  …or is the date transaction over and now you’ve moved on to a relationship?  And in any of these cases, is the website your pimp?

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Don’t go around tonight,
Well, it’s bound to take your life,
There’s a bad moon on the rise.

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 Then you have to ask…  who signs up for such a website?  Well, apparently, they had 10,000 people sign up within days of launching the site.  So the answer is…all sorts of people.  But seriously… Who wants to pay for a date and who wants to say, “oh yes…  I’ll date people who I don’t find attractive, as long as they pay me”.  I love this planet.

By the way, here’s the website:

http://www.whatsyourprice.com/

I love this…

Whats Your Price™, Everyone Has A Price™, Date Beautiful People™, Get Paid for Dating™, Get Paid to Date™ and Make Money Dating™ are trademarks of InfoStream Group Inc.

I also like:

Dating personals we support:

• Friendship & Activity Partners
• Short & Long Term Relationships
• Sugar Daddy Arrangements
• Affairs & Married Dating
• Adult Dating & Casual Encounters

“Sugar Daddy Arrangements?”  Hmm… 
It’s not listed but I wonder of they support “Sugar Mama Arrangements”…?
I need me a Sugar Mama. Oh, yes.  I’ve already picked out the sail boat for her to buy me, in exchange for…uh…”dating”. Yeah, that’s what the kids call it these days… “dating”.

But truth be told, I’m thinking of signing up.
After all…  Everyone Has A Price™  🙂

I’ve given my online dating profile a lot of thought.

Hot old guy willing to date “generous”, young, hot chicks. Looks are not important, unless of course, you’d like to go sailing with me on the sailboat that you need to buy for me. I’m almost 50, so don’t contact me unless you are at least 26.  When someone says to me, “that girl is half your age”, I’d like them to be wrong (although, not by much). By the way, I normally charge $1000 for a date…however, Bonnaroo is coming up and I’m having a 50% off sale. Serious inquiries only.

Tell me what you think…  Too subtle?

Well, look at the time.
I believe I need to do some actual work here today on this fine Friday.

Not to mention, “taxes”. I need to do my taxes.
I wonder what’s better…  Going to jail for not doing your taxes or doing your taxes and then going to jail for not having enough cash to pay them?  I know, it almost exactly like The Chicken or the Egg thing.

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I don’t feel safe anymore. Oh, what a mess
I wonder who’s watching me now…
Who? The IRS!

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Hey…  Check this out.

IRS Payment Plan

I never knew the IRS would let you do a payment plan?
My apologies.  There are a lot of jokes just hanging in the air here, aren’t there? 
I just can’t get to them all.  Besides, I don’t want them using this blog against me.

Shouldn’t IRS be capitalized.
What is an Irs Agent?

Really, Really… Seriously.  I gotta run.

Peace my brothas and sistas…
Pronounced, “See ya next week.”

 – Arch