Archie Kobain

Good morning Sodom and Gomorrah,
Good morning sinners.
No, that wasn’t your radio set on the bleep again…

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Well, here I am. (A)Live at Bonnaroo.
I was actually going to do a live broadcast of some sort.
Unfortunately, Barnsley was having a little trouble with the satellite uplink…

Then, when we almost had it fixed, he ran off to hear Sharon Van Etten at the Which Stage. He’s probably near the tree.  Which Tree?  Exactly.

So, you wanna hear about Bonnaroo?  Here you go…

Is the music good?  Absolutely.  But I’m sure you can GoogaBing “Bonnaroo 2011” and find dozens of websites ready to review the talent, tell you about the fresh bluegrass sounds of Greensky Bluegrass, what the hippies are smoking (or licking) this year, and the fact that Band of Skulls rocked the roof off the That Tent on opening night.

I must say, I was a little disappointed that Benny Lava wasn’t part of the line-up.  I really came just to see him, as he continues to be the primary “person of interest” in my on-going investigation concerning the Indian Mafia Hess Reese’s Conspiracy.  Take a look at this video.  I have reason to believe there are hidden messages contained within…

The real story for me, as usual, occurred on…

The Road to The Roo

It was an educational experience.  Once again I was unable to participate in the Tampa to Manchester RV trek. Instead, I took a U.S. Airways flight through Charlotte to Chattanooga and relied on a duly appointed delegation of the BonnaBros to scoop me up and, eventually, deliver me to the event. 

What did I learn along the way?   Well, for starters, when the TSA folks ask you if you have any weapons, apparently you shouldn’t respond with, “why…what do you need?”  Also, the airlines work a lot less like taxi cabs than you would think.  For example:  Tipping the pilot and asking him to “step on it” doesn’t get you to your next connection any faster.  I won’t even tell you what happens if you offer to buy him a drink.

Next, I verified the rumor that Florida has been secretly exporting all of their ugly people to the Carolinas. It’s true.  I was on one of the “cargo flights” with some of the scariest people I’ve ever seen. There was the everything from the Jesse Ventura look-alike, a few Village People wanna-bees, and the ex-wife of Frankenstein (formerly the Bride of Frankenstein).  They were all on my flight.  Coincidence?  I think not.

By the way, I was sent intell by a secret operative.  Apparently, Office Depot is in on the whole Indian Mafia, Hess / Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs conspiracy!

But I digress…

I won’t bother telling you about my flight or about the fine quality of the U.S. Airways coffee, which should say, “We Proudly Brew Whatever Coffee is on Sale”.  Instead, I’ll skip right to Chattanooga, where upon landing, I find out that the BonnaBros have overheated on the way…and their vehicle was experiencing similar difficulties.

They are hours away and I’m at an airport.  Sure, I could stick around there and mess with the TSA people. After all, I was already in the secure area…  Maybe I could leave some unattended luggage lying around and see what happens?

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I wanna see you in the morning
I wanna see you when the breaking day is dawning

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Nope.  I decided to head downtown and drink with the locals. I love  Chattanooga locals. They are a friendly bunch and I want to send out a kudos to those who made my several hours at the Mellow Mushroom go by in the blink of an eye.  First there was Marly (possibly, Marlie)…  You rock.  Whether I was outside, at the bar, or roaming aimlessly around the restaurant, you tracked me down and brought me my Yuengling.

Then there was Nanner.
Nanner, it was a pleasure to meet you…

 (See… I told you I’d make you artificially famous.)

And finally, Leslie – from the Hilton Garden Inn, who is actually from Manchester, TN. Without you, I might still be wondering aimlessly around Chattanooga.  Thanks for you extensive research and getting me in the right cab and pointed in the right direction.  Note:  I may have had a few drinks at the Mellow Mushroom.  (I blame Marly.)  I needed direction.

So, in the end…  I made it to Bonnaroo.
We’re in the RV, the BonnaBros are all here and the party is in full motion.

Thanks for checking on me.  Unfortunately, I gotta go.
I have very little bandwidth and very little brain power.
Did I mention, I’m at Bonnaroo?

See you next week.

– Arch