Archie Kobain

Using my power, I sell it by the hour
I have it so I market it, you really can’t afford it
Yeah!  Really can’t afford it.

You know, I’m really trying to keep things on the sunny side here.  Remember my old newsletter, Mariachi Static?  Things got pretty dark over there every now and then.  Not here.  Not on ArchieKobain.com.  Now that my actual name is actually on the product, I don’t think that’s the kind of Archie momma would have wanted to raise…

Archibald! Whatchu talkin’ about?
I daint raise no nay-sayin’ cracka!

I can’t believe how politically correct I’ve become. I started to write, “I daint raise no nay-sayin’ nigga!” …but at the last moment I decided to change it to “cracka!”  I don’t want no trouble with the ASPCA, the NAACP, AAMCO, the FBI, CIA or the WWJD crowd.

This way, I guess I’m only offending the people of Florida.  You see, I believe “cracka” comes from an old song, from my old friend, Hugh Burns, pest control entreprenuer and lead vocalist for Hughie Burns and The County Line.

http://hughieburns.com/

We drink beer and our women chew tabbacah,
We ain’t nothing but a bunch of Florida Crackas…

Oh, yes.

Speaking of my new improved behavior, I really should apoligize for my last post.  I got all negative on Delta Airlines and…  I just want to apologize.  I’m sorry that you, so often, provide such a crappy customer experience.  Instead of ragging on you, I’ve decided to start a support group for you.  I am hereby officially launching the I Have a Crappy Airline Support Group.  I’ll be sending an official invitation to Richard Anderson in a few days.  I’m sure that he and Doug Parker will want to be charter memebers.  (Look it up.)

Wow.  It feels so much better to be positive and help my fellow man.

Besides, it’s not like Delta Airlines is Apple and killing people at their factories in China?http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/26/business/ieconomy-apples-ipad-and-the-human-costs-for-workers-in-china.html

I think this pretty much seals the deal for me…and possibly Apple. I guess it’s time to face the music, on your iPod – of course, sell your Apple stock, and admit that Steve Jobs, the master of technology media hype, is dead.  I’m not declaring Apple dead but…  How long will the general public allow a few corporate yo-yo’s back in Cupertino decide what technology we should have access to?

iPad carrying drones already don’t get Flash for some reason.   Once upon a time, Apple claimed that it was because Flash was buggy.  Somehow, I see a much bigger political and monetary pissing match than that. 

Now the question is… How could they have released The New iPad and it still has no USB port, no HDMI port…  Really?  Well, that’s OK.  You’ll still sell a bunch.  The experts are saying that there will be another Billion users on the Internet by 2015.  So, inadvertently, a bunch of those folks will buy Apple products and, of course, those die-hard Apple-heads will always line up to buy the new one the day it comes out…but the lines sure were smaller this time.  It’s funny. The headlines read Customers Flood Apple Stores, but the video clips were of people saying, “zero…there was a zero minute wait to get one”.

Oh, news flash…  Steve Wozniak was standing on the streets of Los Angeles at 2am waiting for stores to open so that he could get his. Of course, Steve has openly admitted to still being on Apple’s payroll.  So, am I suppoed to believe that a guy as busy as The Woz, who gets over $40K for a speaking engagement…

http://www.bigspeak.com/steve-wozniak.html

…is actually standing on a street cornert at 2am to buy an iPad?  Really? I wonder how much that costs Apple?

Well, if you’re going to keep releasing mediocre technology, treat people with that snotty “Apple store demeanor” AND blow up your factory workers in China, I’m totally done with you.

There.  How’z that?
Now I think we’re onto a positive spin, n’est pas?
Pardon my French.

Well, I’m not going to write a whole lot today…in fact, I’m not even going to dig up a musical guest.  My brain is way too fried.  I need a vacation. I need one of these…

Probably the bike. The girl looks a little young.

Anyway, I just wanted to get something out there so no one thought I’d died, moved to Todos Santos, or begun executing Plan #3.  Plan #3, however, could very-well be on its way soon.  Look.

I am now the proud 50% owner of this…

Archmobile

And I’ve been spending a lot more time looking at this…

You know…  I don’t think there’s anything better than being offshore on a calm sea, lights off – in the dead of night,  and laying down on the deck to watch the billions of stars, as they watch me.  I think I’ll be doing that a lot more often.  Soon.

And I remember…in my mind,
They say I’m daydreamin’
Is it all that it seems,
or am I all the things I’m looking for, yeah!?
And, and I see what I see, a new world is over me
And I’ll reach up to the sky and imagine I’m a spaceman
In another place and time
I guess I’m looking for a brand new place
I remember living in a different life
Is there a better life for me?

That’s it for today, my peeps.
Love ya – mean it.  Buah, ha, ha, ha…

– Arch