You can lead a horse to water…
April 27, 2012
…but you still can’t get him to listen to Wilco.
(Originally titled: That’s what she said. )
That’s right, I’m back “so soon”…
Two weeks in a row. It’s groundbreaking. Kind feels like old times doesn’t it?
Well, you know, sometimes the jokes just write themselves…
So, really… This is what you are going to name your new Asian restaurant? How do you suppose you pronounce that? I like to think it’s pronounced Fook U. I can imagine calling there for take out. They answer the phone in their best Chinese America accent… “Oh a sankyo for calling a Fook U.” Then I say, “Hey… Fook U2 buddy, I’m going to P.F. Changs.”
What up my peeps?
I hate to be that guy. You know, the guy who tells you that he’s got lots of really cool stuff going on but isn’t allowed to talk about it. Nevertheless, I have a lot of really cool stuff going on. Unfortunately, I can’t talk about most of it.
I guess without getting too deep into the details, I can say that… My production company, Mariachi Static Entertainment, is actually working on some things… We’re working on putting together a reality-style show. Of course, I can’t talk about it. I’m also working on editing a book, a biography, actually. Not my biography, but it’s very exciting, none the less. Probably shouldn’t talk about it.
I’ve been giving a lot of thought to getting back “on the water” lately. I’ve cracked my mental fortune cookie and contained a picture of a boat. I guess I can talk about that all I want…
That’s what she said.
For those of you who never had the priviledge of getting naked in my floating mini-van, my last waterbound vessel was a 1993 Silverton 361 Express Cruiser.
No complaints but, I think, in the future, until I go for wind power, I’m going to have to go either bigger, taller and more handsome, like the Silverton 42 Convertible …or maybe I go lighter and faster – something that’s get me out to the islands quickly. Maybe what I need is a little boat, just to get out on the water. Later, when I get my big, tall & handsome guy, I could use it for a dinghy?
[Looking off Camera]
What?
Oh, Barnsley… You are such a homo-phobe.
No one is going to take that the wrong way.
Speaking of “off camera”. I have an important safety tip for anyone out there who ever gets in front of a video camera. Friends don’t let friends film each other in-front of a green screen. Otherwise, things like this happen…
Speaking of bad photography, I recently appeared in the South Florida Business Journal, along with my friend, V-Spot..
Of course, I must have been too busy watching the Naked Crisco Twister game that was going on “off camera” and couldn’t take a moment to look at the photographer. Ah, sure… That guy’s not looking at the camera, no problem. We’ll use the photo anyway. I’m sure Mr. Kobain doesn’t mind looking like a goofball.
(God forbid – me looking like a goofball, what’s next?)
Orion Music Festival
I think I have to go… This is Metallica’s Music Festival. They are headlining both nights and playing two complete albums. In fact, they are performing “the black album” in its entirety. Live! What could go wrong? And get this, I’ve looked through the entire line up and it’s absolutely a dude-heavy line up. But then there’s Best Coast! I think it’s a sign that I need to go to this thing. Check it…
The Gaslight Anthem, don’t I like them? I enjoyed the Gaslight District in San Diego. That must count for something. And then there’s a musical act called, “Fucked Up”… Seriously? Maybe it’s pronounced Fooked Up? That actually kinda gets me in the mood for Asian food, ne’s pas? Pardon my French.
Alright, I guess since we’re talking about music, we should get to this week’s musical guest… Are you ready? Originally, I was going to invite Caitlin Moe onto today’s show. I mean, growing up, we never had hot violinist. I’m really diggin’ her music (and singing). For now, just a photo will have to do…
‘Cuz I’ve been feelin’ very Cubano lately. Although the Castro brothers can’t seem to shrivel up and die, and even if they did – that doesn’t mean we’d end up with a free Cuba, apparently there’s been a surge of Cuban Punk Metal Bands forming around the island – mostly in Havana. Although they are frequently arrested, mostly for their anti-governmental lyrics, they continue to play wherever and whenever they can. I love it.
One such band that I’ve been following a bit is called “Porno para Ricardo” or, in English, Porno for Ricardo. How great is that? They di one song called El Cake, which talks about how all they ever have to eat in Cuba is cake and everyone is completely sick of it. But this week, Porno Para Ricardo is going to play for us, “Como Joder a un Communista”.
Loosely translated: “How to F-up a Communist”. Here it is…
Hey… The bass player was wearing a Miami Dolphins shirt.
Where’d he get that? Come to think of it, where he get the guitar?
Where’d they get all this stuff? And the video camera? And access to YouTube?
Keep up the fight my brothers and keep the music coming.
Well, I say short and sweet is the way to go these days.
What? No – that’s not what she said. I’m talking about my blog posts.
I think I’m done for the day.
Stakes are high and so am I,
I got me a rock ‘n roll band,
It’s a free for all…
See yous all next time.
– Arch
This bed is on fire with passionate love…
April 20, 2012
(Originally titled: I bet you think this post is about you.)
Finally… I’m posting something new.
Well, don’t just stand there…
Welcome back, my friends
to the show that never ends.
We’re so glad you could attend!
Come inside! Come inside!
I know I haven’t posted anything in several weeks.
Rest assured that I’ve heard your moans. <smirk>
I’ve also heard you compain about my lack of postings.
Trust me, I hate to ruin your Friday mornings…but I’ve been busy.
Life is busy and so many things compete for my blogging time.
- Should I blog or have something to eat?
- Should I blog or get some sleep?
- Should I blog or bash myself over the head with a cynder block?
- Should I sit mindlessly on the couch doing absolutely nothing (or possibly making up a few new fart jokes that only I think are funny) or should I make a blog entry on the same damned computer that I have to stare at for everything else in my life?
So…
Now that I’m here, what should we talk about?
Money? Frank never talked about money.
<This paragraph should be spoken like Tony Montana.>
Well look wahappen to Frank. I had to cancel his contract.
Barnsley too. I toll-im to do som-sing, he dinn do it. So I had
to buy him one of those first class tickets to the resurrection…
What is up with money these days? I can’t wait to have nothing to do with it. Charge all you want, beat yourselves over the head with gold bars, I won’t care. I’ll be somewhere powered by the wind. It’s just irritating that everybody and everything is designed to get you. I guess that’s capitalism.
I went to buy a pack of gum a few days ago. It was $2.85. At first I thought nothing of it. Then, when I realized that two dollars couldn’t buy a pack of gum anymore and I had to break a twenty, I was like… WTF?
Just a few hours later, I get a call from “my travel agency”.
United decided to change the flight I’m going to be on, in the near future.
At first, I thought it was just a simple time change, but NO. Check this out. I booked a flight at a particular time, paid extra to be on the flight I wanted to be on and now they were calling me to move me to the cheaper flight. There was no need for the change other than to make room on my plane. I don’t think so. I looked it up and my flight was still a valid flight.
I was on the $260 flight. Now they were trying to put me on the $151 flight “for free”. So I say, “hey… If I wanted to change flights, you’d charge me the difference in airfare plus a $75 change fee. I’ll make you the same deal.”
The girl on the phone was like… “what?”
I said, “pay me $109 plus a $75 change fee and I’ll switch planes”.
She thought I was out of my mind. Oh, I’m in my mind – alright. I have a whole team of people in there dedicated to making sure I don’t get screwed by the airlines. Lookie here United people… I’m flying United because I was a loyal Continental customer. Continental never tried to charge me $260 then move me to the $151 flight. What kind of crap is that?
Needless to say, they didn’t go for it.
I even told her I’d accept Visa, MasterCard or JCB.
OK. I don’t actually accept JCB but I knew she didn’t have one of those.
So guess what? I ain’t switching planes. I’m on my original flight.
Thank you very much. And I repeat… WTF?
This week, the musical guests are plentiful. I haven’t been a bloggin’, but I’ve still been listening to music. The “new music” guest of the week is Best Coast. Has anyone else been listening to them? They’re like the California version of Florence and The Machine…or at least I find them to be very Machinesque.
The lead singer is Bethany Cosentino.
Bethany Cosentino
I approve.
I know, she’s no Blake Lively…
Gratuitous Blake Lively Photo
I always loved that green dress.
Hey, guys! Eyes down here. I don’t even know who that is.
I just typed “hot chick green dress” into GoogaBingHoo and she popped up.
Uh… What were we talking about? Oh, yes… Bethany.
I think she reminds me of a young Exene Cervenka.
Exene Cervenka - 1981
So, anyway… Best Coast.
Here they are performing When I’m with You.
Am I missing something here? Did Ronald get fired from his former gig and now he’s out stuffing himself at In & Out Burger. OK, that’s cool with me. I love In & Out Burger. I’m practically a vegetarian, except when there’s an In & Out Burger around. Then all bets are off. Word Up, Bethany. Call me if the redhead doesn’t work out. I’d make a great ex-husband.
Another John Doe.
OK, let’s see who gets that reference.
Big prize to the winner (to include wine).
So, now you’ve got me thinking. What is Exene Cervenka up to?
Well, after 35 years of performing, she’s still at it.
Here she is last year at SXSW…
Wow. She still sounds a lot the same. She’s awesome. I love her.
Call me, X. I’ll be waiting for you under a big black sun.
Of course, I love all the old punk singers who aren’t dead.
OK, fine. I love the dead ones too.
I love you, Sid!
I love you Nancy!!!
So… How lucky are you? That was like having two musical guests in one easy to swallow gel cap. I know. It’s like ibuprophen for the soul. And I’m not done yet. There are more coming up. More! But first I have to discuss…
One of My Problems with The Fuzz
In general, I tend to not like The Police. I’m not talking about Sting, Andy Summers, and Stewart Copeland – they’re just fine. I don’t know that they need reserved parking spaces all over the world…
…but other than that, I have no problem with them. I’m talking about the man, the law, the fuzz. The guys who can turn on their light, sirens, and run red lights if the coffee at Dunkin Donuts is at risk of getting cold.
IMHO, we live in a society where it is important to have law enforcement. Unfortunately, our kind needs to be “policed”. But I really think we need to start applying some common sense to the laws that we pass and how we choose to enforce them. I have numerous examples, but I’ll just dwell on my recent trip from West Palm Beach to Boca Raton. It took about an hour… normally a twenty minute drive.
There were two car accidents. They were only partially to blame for the delay. A big part of the blame has to go to cops…
Bad boys, bad boys.
Whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do,
when they come for you?
Bad Boys!
No. Not the TV show.
There were accidents, with cops, pulled off to the right shoulder. Everyone else was, of course, trying to do their best to get past the accident site. Well, just ahead there were MORE cops who had pulled people over on the left shoulder. This happened twice. Once after each accident.
By my best guess (different from Best Coast), the right most lanes were blocked or otherwise distressed from the car accidents, so people were using all available lanes to get through. So a few lawmen, with nothing better to do, decided to go hang out just past these accidents and pull over drivers who had gone into the HOV lane without having the appropriate number of passengers in the car.
Really?
So people are trying to get past this huge delay, as best they can. They you pull them over, thus creating more commotion on the highway and further delays to everyone else…during rush hour??? That’s just sick and disgusting. Seriously. I have no respect for you. Don’t talk to me. You are cut off.
What else up?
Last week (not this week) the Coachella Music Festival took place in Coachella Valley, California. I really need to go to Coachella one of these years. I came very close to going last year. Can’t go next year. I’m going to Glastonbury 2013, baby! And what about Bonnaroo? I can’t believe I’m not going this year. I thought I’d be OK but I’m not. I’m sad. I’m Bonnaroo homesick. I need my bobbleheads. I need my Which tree. I need to get my “arch” on. I need my Bourbon Chicken. I need to smell the burning aroma of illegal shrubbery. Mr. Jimmy and I need our fair share of abuse…
Get your mind out of the gutter. That’s a Stones reference.
Rolling Stones, not Stone-Z Stones.
Uh… Did I mention that I am now 50% shareholder in a motorhome?
Are you with me? Who wants to go to Roo…???
But anyway…
Didn’t go to Coachella this year. Not gonna make it to Roo.
I probably would have gone to Coachella had I only known that Pulp was going to be there. Who is Pulp you ask? Probably the most important English alternative “original wave” rock band ever… You know, if you don’t count The Clash.
Seriously, I would have gone just to see Pulp. And now, as long as the YouTube Coachella Police don’t remove this video, you get to see them from the comfort of your very own…wherever you are.
Here’s Pulp with Common People…
(Please excuse the banter at the begining.)
I love that song. I think it’s an anthem for our generation. I love those guys. It’s awesome that they are still performing and came to The States. Sorry I missed it. Well…
I may not have made it there but, YouTube had three live feeds going and I watched a lot of the shows. Many of them are now posted for all to see. You should stop by and check it out. Immediately. Do it now… Run!!!
Wow… It’s APRIL.
Did you file your taxes? I hate taxes. It’s not just that I hate giving the government the first third of my annual income. I really wouldn’t mind if I were seeing value. All I see is wasteful spending. Don’t get me started.
Instead, let’s focus on good things. There are lots of April birthdays.
I send sincere best wishes to all of my April birthday friends and soulmates.
Having said that, like my friend (George) used to say, “I am taking off”,
as he twirled a finger above his head. I’m signing out. I’m done for the day.
Be Well, Be Real, Be Safe…
– Arch
Now that I’ve said good-bye, I want to leave you with… My final musical guest of the week… James, performing an old favorite, live at Coachella last week.
My therapist said not to see you no more,
She said you’re like a disease without any cure.
Here’s James with Laid…
When are you coming home?
<This concludes our broadcast day.>
<Static…>
Not regular static, that’s Mariachi Static, of course.
Archie Kobain 