Archie Kobain

…like the devil’s smile. I’d rather be anywhere else than here.
Was it a blinding lack of subtlety or just a lack of style
responding to the ways and means of fear?

Greetings sports fans.
Don’t get used to it.  I have a friend who owns a technology business in South Florida.
Apparently he’s lost all interest in sex, drugs, alcohol, red meat and the American way.
I was going to say “rock n’ roll” but, as it turns out, he’s still good with rock n’ roll.

Anyway, he keeps calling me and calling Barnsley…
“Please Arch…post something.  You know that I (and others) live vicariously through you.”

That’s a big responsibility – but OK.  Just remember, don’t get used to it. I’m retired.
This is my birthday present to you.
But you should get yourself something cool and unexpected.

So, what have I been up to?
Let’s see. I must have had a bit of a mid-life crisis back in April. I bought a Porsche and started dating a 25 year-old.  Of course, I’m old. So I didn’t get a real Porsche. I got a Cayenne (SUV).  Next, I had to break up with the girl because every text from her contained “LOL”.

What is that about?

Actual Transcript:

Archie K:  Hey Taylor, I almost cut my arm off with a chainsaw.
Taylor S:  LOL…  Sorry to hear that.
Taylor S:  Well, I hope you’re OK.  I’m writing songs right now. LOL

WTF?

I decided to use my knowledge of young punks against her.
So, I’m like…   “Yeah… Pound Sign LOL”
And then she was like…  “What?”

You see I didn’t tell her that I’m refusing to call a pound sign a hashtag because, I didn’t get the memo on that whole name change.  So we’d be hanging out somewhere and she would be like, “hey Abby, this is my boyfriend, Archie.  Hashtag – Dating an Older Guy.”

And I’d be like, “nice to meet you.  Pound sign – Got any pictures of your mom?”
And then everyone would stare at me and then I’d be like, “pound sign rude”.

OK, so… maybe she broke up with me.  Whatevs!

Speaking of people named Taylor, have you seen this…?

I think I would be calling this Fragrances by Taylor Swift, instead of Taylor Swift Fragrances. Unless, of course, they are actually bottling Taylor Swift Fragrances.  Obviously, not me…
[Looks around the room]  …but you know someone out there, like maybe Barnsley, is thinking, “I’d like to know what Taylor smells like”.  Maybe they could bottle – Just Waking Up, Fresh Out of The Shower and/or Sweaty After a Concert. I know, I know… I’m a marketing genius.

That’s free advice, Tay-Tay.  Go ahead and use it.

Great News for The Economy
I don’t know if any of you are familiar with the Hemline Index, also known as the skirt length theory. But I am a firm believer in this theory, which basically says that skirt lengths are an economic indicator.  The knee is basically a flat economy.  When average skirt lengths head towards the floor, the economy is usually in the crapper.  When average skirt lengths start going above the knee, the economy is in an upswing.  I don’t make this stuff up.
Look.  This link is from Investopedia…

http://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/skirtlengththeory.asp

Well, as an observer of the economy, I have to say that (based on my research) things are on the rise. Maybe I just hadn’t gotten out in a while but I was out recently and wondered what was going on…  Had every day suddenly turned into a cute-girl-day?  Was I perpetually in Montreal?  Something was different. There was something sexy in the air, even the not-so-cute hot chicks still had a certain “je ne sais quoi”. It was as if someone had crop-dusted the area with pheromones or maybe someone was frying bacon.

Just then it hit me… Every woman was wearing a skirt and they were short skirts. Not crazy short skirts but, on the average, they were all above the knee.  I mean, sure… There was always the occasional Yoko Ono look-alike wearing pants but, in general, every woman was wearing a skirt, with a high hemline.  By the way, if all women go to wearing pants, that will be a sure sign of the apocalypse.

Anyway… This is excellent. I mean, who doesn’t like a rising economy?

I was recently in Las Vegas.  Vegas baby, Vegas…  Sin city. The technology sector was doing particularly well there.  Hemlines were up so high, you could almost see the technology – if you know what I mean.

What else?
We could play a quick game of Find Archie…

Hmmm…  Photo might be a little small?
Hint: I’m the guy wearing shorts.

We could talk about Hurricane Odile wrecking my hometown of Todos Santos.
Not good…

Hotel California

Road to Todos Santos

I’m not happy about this. Todos Santos is an awesome place but it’s delicate. Most of Cabo is delicate. They haven’t had many hurricanes, which means they weren’t ready. There’s also not much crime in Baja Sur but that also hangs on a delicate thread.

After the hurricane, for example, looters finished destroying the local Wal-mart…

Can you blame them?  These people aren’t usually criminals.  However, if here in the US we have well-funded government organizations like FEMA, who regularly drop the ball on things, like happened in New Orleans – my guess is that Mexico’s version of FEMA can’t be all that.

And YES, entire neighborhoods were wrecked…

Of course, compared to when something happens in some foreign non-neighboring country, I haven’t heard a word about helping the people in Baja Sur. What’s up with that?  The biggest story around here was the Cabo airport got wrecked and Americans were stranded there…

That’s obviously not good. No one wants their vacation wrecked but – Boo Effen Hoo.
Who’s ready to go help clean up Todos Santos?

Plus, we have to check on Tim, Taylor & Steve…

Tim, Steve, Taylor & Archie in Todos Santos (2011)

Ginger is The Spice of Life…
Of course, no Archie post would be complete without a redhead.

Is she holding a pear?  I love pears.

It’s an even bigger treat when the redhead and the musical guest are one in the same.
Oh, here’s one…

It’s an even bigger bonus when she rocks.  And an even bigger BIGGER bonus when she rocks us while wearing a clear indicator of a rising economy.  Ha!  Are you with me???
And thus I give you (part-time) redhead and rockin’ blues artist, Samantha Fish…

So, take me back to New Orleans and drop me at my door.
‘Cuz I might love you, yes…  But I love me more.

That said, I leave you with this deep thought…

Who do you suppose wrote that, Lindsey Buckingham?

No time to ponder because that my comrades, is all the time we have today.
Perhaps I will see you again in the not-so-distant future.

I am off like a prom dress.

Peace

– Arch