Root, root, root for the home team…
January 29, 2016
Welcome to my promised mini-series…
Sometimes, when I get on a rant, I start talking about all the things that are wrong with our country: corruption in politics, partisanship over citizenship, etc., etc. And while it’s all true, sometimes we have to focus on bigger things because, at least for now, dysfunctional as we may be at times, we’re still the greatest country in the world …and that’s really why the corruption and other shortcomings piss me off so much.
Let’s face it. Our country is big enough, in both economy and population, to be able to survive even the largest, even the deepest and darkest depths of government corruption, and I guess that should be something to be proud of? It’s no wonder that we the primary target for so many others to hate and throw stones at.
The Butterfly Effect
These days, our entire existence is under attack from multiple angles. Some attacks are small, while others are quite large but they all need our attention. Are we all familiar with the concept of the butterfly effect? Chaos Theory tells us that small changes, like a butterfly flapping its wings in one part of the world, could be responsible for setting in motion the sequence of events that eventually leads to a hurricane forming in another part of the world. In other words, it’s all connected – so pay attention, even to the small things. They are the ones that will most likely creep up, build momentum and get you, when you least expect it.
A very powerful and wealthy government is trying to displace The US Dollar as the world’s default currency, global hackers are trying to steal our corporate technologies and tap into our government offices, while religious nut bags are insulted by how we think, how we dress, our lack of deep religion and they believe that we should be either exterminated or, at least, terrorized into changing our ways. So let’s start there…
War on Terrorism?
America is at war. I would call it an undeclared war but I think we’ve all heard the words spewing from the various mouths of US Presidents, “the war on terrorism”. So instead of calling it undeclared, I’m going to call it ill-declared. The truth is that, we don’t know how to go to war, unless it’s against an established country with clear leadership. We can fight the Germans, the Japanese, the North Koreans or the Vietnamese but we really don’t know how to fight hacking, drug trafficking, communism, terrorism or religious extremism. Once we’re battling a concept or a movement that doesn’t stick within our man-made geographical borders, all we seem to know how to do is to try and defend ourselves. This is a bad strategy. No one has ever won a game based purely on defense.
Thankfully, we now have ISIL to point to and say there is our enemy. Unlike the Nazis and Hitler’s Army, however, you typically don’t see ISIL coming because they are already there. They just need to be activated and that’s why their “fighters” are spreading so quickly throughout so many countries, including ours. We’ll talk more about this later.
But first, since I mentioned ISIL, let me answer a FAQ…
ISIS vs. ISIL
I’ve heard a few people say/ask, “I thought it was ISIS, why does Obama call them ISIL?”
I don’t don’t know what they call themselves but around here, they seem to be called ISIS. This stands for the Islamic State of Iraq & Syria. ISIS is also a somewhat friendlier name because, although a name is just a name, it implies that the Islamic State that they are trying to create would be limited to the geographical areas now known as Iraq & Syria.
President Obama likes to call them ISIL. ISIL stands for Islamic State of Iraq & the Levant. Personally, I think he calls it ISIL to downplay Syria’s critical involvement in this, since, in my opinion, he screwed up so badly in handling the situation is Syria that it is now best to try and pretend that Syria doesn’t have that much to do with this.
That said, the name ISIL, creates much farther reaching implications than ISIS. Unlike Iraq and Syria, which is a large but still somewhat limited geography, the Levant is a much larger area. The Levant States, as they were originally referred to, back when the French controlled much of that area, included what is now Cyprus, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria and much of Turkey. It also included Palestine.
So for different reasons than Obama, I too like to call them ISIL. For me it’s because I don’t think they are planning on limiting themselves to just talking over Iraq & Syria. I don’t even think they would limit themselves to controlling the Levant…but hey, soon enough, we’ll talk about GIS, the Global Islamic State.
And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming and this week’s most important concept…
Rooting for The Home Team
Before we can talk about anything in great detail, we have to change our mindset. We have to think differently. And before we can do that, we have to understand a few basic concepts. I already threw out the concept of The Butterfly Effect. The next concept is one that I call, “Rooting for The Home Team”. Everyone does it. If you don’t root for the home team, it’s usually because you consider home to be somewhere else. But see, you’re still rooting for your home team.
I guarantee it. Pick anyone. Go out of your way to find someone from Los Angeles who absolutely doesn’t like basketball, then take that person to a Lakers game. I guarantee you that when it gets to be a close game, they will root for the home team. It’s inevitable.
Part of what comes with rooting for the home team is choosing sides and competition – camaraderie with those on your side and disdain for those on the other side – not unlike war. Let’s remember that in World War II, we were fighting Germans. A lot of people still feel uncomfortable around Germans but the real problem wasn’t Germans or Germany, it was the Nazi Party, who had temporarily taken control of Germany. Most Germans weren’t Nazis. In fact, Hitler had about 20% of Germany’s population enlisted in his military and most of them weren’t Nazis. They just obeyed orders, in order to stay alive.
Side note: There was an interesting study done a few years ago specifically about soldiers but it was later found to be true about populations, in general. The finding was that about 5% of any given group of soldiers will do whatever they are commanded to do without regard to whether they believe it is right or wrong. In fact, they give it little thought and carry out their orders without question. Interestingly enough, it was a carefully selected, less than 5% of Hitler’s military that was directly responsible for attempting to exterminate the Jews. There’s no point here – just food for thought.
Nevertheless, when the US is in a conflict, most Americans root for the home team. We’ve seen soldiers doing bad things on WikiLeaks but we’re not that appalled because it was someone else dying – not Americans. We were way more disturbed watching some Americans being decapitated by some METBs (Middle Eastern Terrorist Bastards). But why is that? Why is it more horrific to us when an American gets his head chopped off then when the American military helicopter launches an rocket propelled grenade at an Iraqi family? It’s because at the end of the day, when it’s just us against them, we all root for the home team.
Side note: Some people argue that a beheading is calculated and designed to be horrific. Those people will argue that, “at least that Iraqi family was blown up quickly and didn’t have to kneel there waiting to be beheaded”. I won’t argue that there are theatrics involved in a beheading, designed to make the masses fearful. Nevertheless, flip the coin and look at things differently. Let’s say that you saw an Iraqi being beheaded by an American vs. an American family (maybe someone you know) being blown up while they were home making dinner. I’ll bet you you are still more appalled by the death of the Americans. Why? Because, like it or not, you associate more closely with the Americans. You are, in essence, rooting for your home team.
The home team, by the way, scales. The home team could be one person. In a typical divorce, the soon to be ex-husband and ex-wife will each be rooting for themselves, a home team of one. If we were fighting another country, all Americans might be the home team. And if space aliens came to take over the Earth, all Earthlings might be on the same home team.
It’s important to keep this concept in mind because, everyone is part of some population. When someone asks someone else about themselves, the very first answer is usually the one that is either most important to them or they believe will give you the most insight into them.
When travelling in the United States and someone asks where you are from, you might answer with the name of your state. Outside of the United States, you might say that you are from America. Then try asking people, “so tell me about yourself?”
These are the answers I’ve heard…
I’m an engineer.
I’m a Christian.
I’m a mother of three.
I’m currently unemployed.
I’m waiting for a guy to buy me a drink.
In each of these cases, the answer reflected what was most important to them, at that time. You can bet the engineer loves his job. You can bet the Christian was a highly religious person. The mother of three loves her family and the unemployed person was probably very stressed about being jobless. We wont discuss “drink girl”.
Think about your typical answer. What do you say when someone asks about you?
The answers shown here, by the way, are very typical American answers. As you travel to other lands, you’ll find that religion rates much higher in other cultures. Again, let’s bring up the Jews. In my answers above, I said that the Christian was probably a highly religious person but when someone answer, “I am Jewish” – they may or may not be highly religious but it is who they are. Most Jewish people are Jewish first. Most American Christians are something else ahead of being a Christian. For example: the engineer, the mother of three and the unemployed person could have all been Christians or maybe atheist. We don’t know. On the other hand, an unemployed, mother of three, Jewish engineer might still have just answered, “I am Jewish”.
My point here goes to understanding other cultures and their prioritization of religion. Also, recognizing the camaraderie that exist between the member who identify themselves with being part of any particular group. Americans tend to root for Americans. Single moms root for other single moms. Jews root for Jews and Muslims root for Muslims. Remember, at the end of the day, everyone ends up rooting for the home team. So when you’re dealing with people on a global scale, it’s important to understand what home team they are rooting for because if you’re not on that home team, when it’s game time, they’re not on your side and you’d better be prepared to defend your home team and possibly fight back.
That’s probably all I have for today. I know, I know… There should be a picture of a redhead here somewhere. Maybe next week. Speaking of next week, be sure to tune in then as the mini-series continues. Be there or be square.
Peace, my brothers and sisters.
– Arch
The sun machine is coming down…
January 22, 2016
That’s right. Archie’s back “and we’re going to have a party”.
Maybe there’s going to be a party.
At very minimum, you can bet there’s going to a be a redhead. 🙂
Greetings Fellow Earth Dwellers:
It’s been a long time, been a long time, been a long, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.
It’s also been a long time since I’d posted anything. You know, other than last week’s post.
But just because we don’t talk everyday, doesn’t mean I love you any less.
You know who you are. We’re still connected, you and I.
[Heard off stage: “Me, me. He’s talking to me.”]
So, blame me…
Let’s just say that life has been busy. That’s right… “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Why am I here today, you ask?
A number of reasons. First of all, I wanted to wish you all a Very Happy Freakin’ New Year.
Next, as the globe begins to unravel, I feel that it is, at least partially, my job to call the play-by-plays, as I see them. And holy shitzu, are things ever unraveling???
So many things are happening in the world right now (and have taken place in the past year) and every last one of them demands some sort of an acknowledgement from me. I expect to deliver those. Also, visited a number of countries last year…and I should share a little bit of that with my raving fans. I think it’s particularly important to point out the things that we’re doing here that makes the rest of the world think we’re idiots or, at very minimum, naive.
To this end, I’ve decided to come out of retirement, so-to-speak. At very minimum, I am assembling a mini-series. A short collection of post-retirement Archie posts to clear my head, educate my readers and entertain my critics. So get ready. Blog posts have been building up in my system. It’s like I have Deadly Blog-Post Backup (DBPB) and at any time blog posts may come pouring out of me. Shooting across the room, so to speak.
And I guess I could use the therapy…
All sorts of world events have struck up my desire blog it out.
==
And we’re gonna have a party…
But before we get started, I have a question.
Is it just me or does everyone have a friend, you know the one, someone who is so
full of crap that even he couldn’t possibly believe the stuff that leaves his mouth?
Here’s an example:
Barnsley and I have this friend, Joe. We decided to meet him at Starbucks the other day.
When Joe arrived, around 8:05am, Barnsley and I were already there and sitting at a table.
I’ve learned not to ask Joe too many questions but Barnsley asked him how he was. Joe replied, “just hoping for a better day than yesterday, my friend”. I said, “yeah – me too”.
Of course, Barnsley asked, “oh… what happened yesterday?”
So Joe, in his loudest Long Island accent, instantly breaks into:
“Ugh… First thing in the morning, I went up to Boca, I had to spank this little Lebanese girl in the back seat of her mini-van. Of course, the whole time, her kid’s child seat was jabbing me in the side. Then I had to go pickup my girlfriend from work and take her for a sonogram. That freakin’ baby is getting huge. Dropped her back off at work and I was almost late to my appointment with my dominatrix – that would have hurt.”
“I spent about two hours tied to a steel cross while she electro-shocked my hoo-hoo”, he said while pointing at his pants with both index fingers.
“Naturally, I had to rush home afterwards and bang the old lady.”
“So, of course, I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning! Hey… You guys want a beer?”
Joe then started looking around Starbucks, as if to flag down a waitress at an Irish pub.
I just want to say that Barnsley and I have known Joe for a long time and he has never,
ever had anything dry cleaned. Just sayin’…
==
It was God’s light, it was ragged and naive…
So, actually, if you’re hoping for a global rant today, you’re out of luck.
Today, you’re off the hook. Today, I mostly want to talk about AT&T.
AT&T – Rethink Dysfunctional
AT&T, a company that was recently named by Fortune Magazine (the experts of everything) as the Most Admired Telecommunications Company in the world for 2015. And although the current company is a direct mutation of SBC (Southwestern Bell Corporation), let’s not forget where the AT&T name came from. The original company, American Telephone & Telegraph, was founded in 1885 and was part of the companies that were formed to protect the patents of Alexander Graham Bell.
Well, they renamed the company… Why was that? Granted – the telegraph has gone by the way of the pager, the FAX machine and the mullet …but I’m here to tell you that there also doesn’t seem to be much “American” there and the telephone doesn’t work that well either. I’ve had service with these guys for years. Never needed to call them and that seems to work out really well for everyone. But then, I thought about making some changes to my service.
Here’s my experience…
First Try
I picked up my Windows phone and asked it to call AT&T Local Services. It dialed a number and soon an automated recording was thanking me for calling AT&T. After going through the decision tree, I got to a message that said, “The number you dialed is only for processing new orders. In order to make changes to an existing AT&T account, you must hang up and dial this number.” Then it gave me some 800 number to call – the message repeated.
So, it is just me or shouldn’t AT&T be able to transfer a call? Nope.
I had to scramble and find paper and pencil to write down a number.
Second Try
Got a greeting that sounded just like the first one. Then, in Spanish it told me to press 2, if I wanted to continue in Spanish. Once again, I was in a decision tree. If you needed new service, you had to press 1. Technical support… 2. Three (3) seemed like the logical choice for me. Then a voice came on that said, “I have detected (something like) 287-375-8107 is your phone number. Is this number you are calling about?”
That number was not even remotely close to my number so I said, “no” and it asked me to enter the phone number associated with my existing AT&T account. And so I entered my number. I was told that all representatives were busy and that my wait would be under three minutes.
A few minutes later, someone speaking English with a Pakistani accent answered the phone, “Thank you for calling AT&T. This is Ned. May I have your order number please?”
Order number… WTF?
“Hey Ned… I don’t have an order number. I’m trying to make changes to my existing AT&T account.”
Ned explained to me that I had reached the wrong department. He couldn’t help me but he was going to transfer me to the right place. Then he wanted me to write down the number, just in case something happened. Well, by now I was in my car and driving somewhere…
“No pen or pencil here, Ned. Just transfer me.”
Ned was extremely polite and somewhat long winded and apologetic for not being able to help me. Wanted to thank me some more for being an AT&T customer and wanted to know if there was anything else that he could do for me.
“I’m running out of time here, Ned. Thanks for everything. Just transfer me.”
Third Try
Got a greeting that sounded just like the first two. Then, in Spanish it told me to press 2, if I wanted to continue in Spanish. Once again, I was in a decision tree. If you needed new service, you had to press 1. Technical support… 2. Three (3) seemed like the logical choice for me.
Does all of this sound familiar?
Then a voice came on that said, “I have detected that your phone number is…” And it came up with a completely different phone number from last time. “Is this number you are calling about?”
Again , that number was not even remotely close to my number so I said, “no” and it asked me to enter the phone number associated with my existing AT&T account. And so I entered my number. I was told that all representatives were busy and that my wait would be under three minutes.
A few minutes later, someone who sounded suspiciously like Ned picked up the phone.
“Thank you for calling AT&T. This is Andy. May I have your order number please?”
Order number… Seriously?
“Hey Andy… Do you know a guy named Ned?”
“Excuse me?”
“I just talked to a guy named Ned. I told him that I didn’t have an order number and we was going to transfer me to the correct department. Instead, I’m talking to you and I don’t have an order number. I’m trying to make changes to my existing AT&T account.”
Andy explained to me that I had reached the wrong department. He couldn’t help me but he was going to transfer me to the right place. Then he wanted me to write down the number, just in case something happened.
“I don’t think so Andy. I’ve already ended up at the wrong place three times. Also, I have no pen or pencil here. So I can’t write anything down.”
Andy was extremely polite, long winded and apologetic for not being able to help me and for all the troubles that I was having. Andy said that he was going to do a live transfer and that he would be on the phone with me until we got a live representative who could help me on the phone with us.
Already, I liked Andy better than Ned. That was until he wanted to thank me for being an AT&T customer and wanted to know if there was anything else that he could do for me.
“I’m out of time here, Andy. Let’s just find someone who can help me.”
Andy thanked me one last time.
Then, I heard a few beeps and a voice started repeating… “Please wait, please wait.”
Then silence.
“Hello? Andy are you there?”
Nothing.
Then, “Please wait… Please wait”.
And silence again.
“Andy… Where the hell are you?”
Nothing.
Then… “We’re sorry. Your call transfer failed. Please hang up and dial the customer services number again. Goodbye.”
Seriously? This is the most admired telecommunications company in the world?
More like one of the wonders of the world. It’s a wonder how they have any customers.
Last Call for Alcohol
Well, the fat lady wasn’t just singing as far as my relationship with AT&T goes. She was already back in her room, trying to pour herself into a leather skirt and looking for some rope to tie down the “English gentleman” who kept winking at her from the third row. By the way, according to Barnsley, she wasn’t really that fat. Anyway…
My next call was to Comcast. Sure, they are a dysfunctional bunch too but I had my number ported away from AT&T and now there’s one less American and one less Telephone connected to the almighty AT&T. Feel free to keep my Telegraph… No charge.
But AT&T is Not ALL Bad
That’s right. After hammering AT&T for the extremely frustrating customer service experience they are dishing out these days, I want to thank AT&T for the good they’ve
brought to the world. This consist mostly of Milana Vayntrub.
This would be Lily, the girl from the AT&T Wireless commercials.
Is it just me or is anyone else thinking, “Yes… I’ll buy whatever she’s selling”…?
Because sure, they’ve made her look cute and fun for their commercials but there’s something way sexier going on there, isn’t there?
Aha… I thought so.
Whoa. Barnsley… You’re going to want to see this one.
That has to be a doctored Internet photo. What is she storing in there?
But let’s not give AT&T too much credit. I’m only crediting them with getting her in front of Television audiences. The 28ish year old “actress” from Uzbekistan (that’s one of “The Stans”) is already widely known and loved from starring in various web shows.
Currently, she is Tina Shukshin on Other Space, a weird outer space based comedy that debuted on Yahoo Screen, where they air Yahoo’s Original shows. Not sure you want to waste your time on that one. It’s fairly stupid and and having Milana on the show may be its only redeeming quality. Let’s hope Yahoo’s original shows get better.
If you want to see Milana in some actual funny stuff,
you have to subscribe to: LivePrudeGirls on YouTube. Check it out here…
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn3x5a_TrxkAXA7zrKqftFA
These are several years old from back when Milana was young. 🙂
I recommend, the “Let’s Talk About Something More Interesting” series. It’s a professionally done but totally weird and awkward talk show. I love it. I found the one with Matt Damon particularly funny, although they are all pretty funny.
My favorite, however, may be the one with Jake and Amir.
Maybe it’s just because of Milana’s skirt? No. Although that doesn’t hurt.
But I do love the quirky dry humor. You be the judge. Enjoy…
And Now The End is Near
You know it. All good things must come to an end.
Although, I do feel better after blogging out my AT&T experience. Just think, by next week, I’m going to be primed and ready. Starting next week, we’re putting aside the hullabaloo. We’re getting serious. Seriously…
Be there or be square.
Peace & Love, Earthlings… Peace and Love!
– Arch
The stars look very different today…
January 15, 2016
Today was supposed to be Archie’s triumphant return.
The big blog post to relaunch my bloggerific career and fix all the world’s problems.
But I decided to delay that by a week.
The Lord Gives and The Lord Takes Away
About a week ago, a friend of mine called to tell me about the Guns & Roses reunion.
That’s right. The original Guns ‘n Roses, or at least Axl & Slash, are getting back together to play at The Coachella Music Festival and there are rumors of a stadium tour to follow.
Of course, we can’t trust these guys to stay copacetic long enough to pull off a stadium tour so, I swore that if they ever played together again, I would move mountains to be there.
Well, that’s not going to happen.
Barnsley spent hours looking into this and, we’re not doing it. It would be irresponsible to, at this late hour, after tickets have been sold out, to pay twice the price, scramble for a place to stay and negotiate transportation, just to see the greatest rock band that ever lived, one more time. OK – when I put it that way, maybe we should go.
Just kidding. I am, however, very excited by this news.
And I’m gunning for some floor tickets at Madison Square Garden, baby!
And Who Can Bear to be Forgotten?
As excited as I am by the news of Guns ‘n Roses, however, it pales in comparison to my sadness over the death of David Bowie, one of the most iconic performers of our time. There’s a guy who was never supposed to die, like Jerry Lewis, Dick Van Dyke or the original Aunt Jemima…
Seriously. Space Oddity is probably the oldest song that I remember hearing, not counting songs that were played to me by my parents. It was the first song that made me go, “wow” and think to myself, “I like this music thing. It’s about something. I want more.”
And then, when you saw David Bowie back then, you were like… Whoa!
I remember watching him on TV and, my father, having no idea what he might do, looking like he did, turned the station while saying, in Spanish, “you’re not watching that”.
…but my head was already floating in a most peculiar way.
Many years later, when MTV hit the scene, there he was again – front & center.
Let’s Dance, Modern Love, China Girl. I was still trying to figure out Heroes,
The Man Who Sold The World and Diamond Dogs. Loving The Alien. Changes!
The list goes on…
I love when an artist keeps us guessing. Wondering where he’s going next or in which direction he will point to see if we walk towards it – all the time, blazing new trails and exploring his artistic freedom, only mildly caring whether or not the masses would dig it.
That was David Bowie to me. Genius.
You will not be easily forgotten, my friend.
Thank you for the ridiculous amount of music that you gave the world.
I raise my glass to you and celebrate your life!
Rest in Peace
OK, so…
I guess I’ve announced my triumphant return.
Be sure to tune in next week.
There is much to discuss, as the world seems to be unraveling.
That makes it Archie Time.
Peace
– Arch
Archie Kobain 