Archie Kobain

You’ve read about me in the papers
You’ve seen me on the movie screen
You know everything there is to know about me
I’m your late night fantasy

But don’t think I can’t hear you calling
From the shadow of the 14th row
Cause I’ve had the same dreams you’ve had
Just a few short years ago…

You know, I’ve been talking a lot of politics lately.
I think this week, we need a break. You know what we need?
Some of my pointless banter.  Let’s see how that goes, shall we?

I saved Florida…
Wow!  What a busy week.  Let’s recap…
Earlier this week, I had plans to go sailing off the coast of New Port Richey.

Ever wonder what happened to Old Port Richey?

But I cancelled those plans on Monday and instead, I purchased every electric fan at every Target and Wal-mart store in Florida.  Went to The Home Depot, got lots of extension cords and power strips.  I lined South Florida’s beaches with electric fans (pointed East), plugged them all in and turned Hurricane Irene’s path right into the Bahamas.  Thank you…  Thank you very much.

My apologies to the people in NYC and beyond.  Be safe.

This is probably a good place to introduce this week’s musical guest…
25 year old, Brittish Pop Star, Ellie Goulding.

Apparently, Ellie was asked to perform at the royal wedding.  Really?  Is she that good?  …or just that popular?  …or just that well liked by the Brits?  I’m still not sure if I like her stuff.  I mean, I get that she’s pop, and not my usual folksie female singer, but she’s also no Britney or Lady Gaga… which, I guess, is also OK. Not everyone can be Lady Gaga. 

Although, wouldn’t that be cool…  if everyone was Lady Gaga?
No?  Maybe just for a day?  Why are you looking at me like that?

Uh…  So…  Ellie, what do we think…  Do we like her? 
I thought the video was cool but I don’t think she’ll make my playlist?
Send me your thoughts and opinions.

Tuesday: A Third Rail Evening…
So, after saving Florida on Monday, I had a few F-POPs gathering on Tuesday and, I have to admit, although I frequently mention alcoholic beverages, I actually drink very little.  The reality is that, I can’t afford it.  I can’t afford the calories.

And then he said, “oh… I’ve got drinkin’ money”.

Well, I went all out on Tuesday night. The evening started with a little innocuous sipping of Patron’s XO Coffee Liquer, but it soon escalated into a plethora of Irish Car Bombs (featuring Left Hand’s Milk Stout) and a myriad of amber colored samples of the world’s third most popular drink (after water and tea).

Of course, Stonesy was in town and I had invited a newcomer to the F-PoP community, who I hereby dub, “Napster”.  I knew these two guys would get along but it was ridiculous.  I swear, I left them alone for no more than about 5 minutes.  When I returned, there were shot glasses everywhere and they were planning a trip to Guadalajara.  Yep…  I’m getting pretty good at picking friends.

Now, one of the keys to a great evening out is to be at peace with the party Gods.  If you question their authority, you’ll end up in a bar fight, kneeling down before the porcelain throne, or (worst case) in or near a vehicle with flashing lights.  On the other hand, if you’re on good terms with the party Gods (and have been spending at least 15% of your annual salary at Total Wine), you’ll have a great evening, be delivered home safely, and meet some cool people along the way. Speaking of cool people along the way…

Although I do have a tendency to befriend bartenders, I usually try to leave other people in the service industry alone.  Let’s face it, 99 times out of 100, a waitress just wants you to throw some culinary artwork down your throat, leave a generous show of appreciation for her services, and then get the hell out.  So, an honorable mention must go out to Molly.

Bad BlackBerry photo of Molly & Archie

We’d been drinking, you were great.  I hope, in some way, we brightened up an otherwise dull Tuesday evening “at the office”.  I also hope that whoever paid the bill left you a…
[Thinks to himself:  I hope someone paid the bill.]

So, uh…anyway.  Thanks for taking care of us and brining us the essential elements (food, water & beer) during our time of need.  Oh and, by the way, I’ll be back to your place of business in a few weeks with my friend, Lynda.  Don’t worry..no need to go looking for a new job. I promise to keep the beverage consumption down to just a few Yuenglings.

Opportunities…
So then Wednesday rolls around.  I’m thinking it’s just going to be another, slightly hungover, hump day but then the two jobs that I’ve always wanted, but are seldom open, BOTH become available on the same day.

Yep.  Steve Jobs has resigned as the dictating ruler of Apple Computers and Muammar Gaddafi has been toppled as the CEO of Libya.  Both on the same day!  I know.  Now what do I do?  Needless to say, the recruiters have been calling me all day.

I wonder if I could get good cell service from Sprint in Libya?  So far it hasn’t happened in the US or in Mexico.  This alone could be worth the gig.

Does it ever end…
On Thursday, I heard that Dick Cheney had released his new book, “In My Time”, from an undisclosed location.  Although I’m sure it would be an interesting read, there are plenty of things that I disagree with the former Vice President on, so…  Instead of buying the paperback or downloading some kind of an electronic version, which would surely elevate my blood pressure immediately upon opening, I’m going to wait for the Hard Cover Duraflame version so that I can contribute to Mr. Cheney’s success as a writer but still put the book directly into my backyard fire pit and roast some marshmellows.

Finally, if you’re like me…  You know, always looking for the silver lining in things…  And you’re wondering what good could come from a giant hurricane that could flood New York City…  Maybe we can drown some of these giant 3-foot-long rats that they are finding in Brooklyn?

http://gothamist.com/2011/08/25/brooklyn_man_stabs_giant_rat_with_p.php

Yikes!  Hey, maybe the rain will get them to the surface?  Then we can get Dick Cheney to go hunt them with us.  Let’s just try not to get shot. 

Well, damn it!  I guess that’s it for today. I can’t believe it’s only Friday.

Oh…  There were also a lot of birthdays this week.
I hope you all had happy ones and are enjoying every day to the fullest.

Again, to my friends from New York through Massachusettes, be safe.
If you need anything before, during or after the storm – call me.

I have resources… 😉

Cheers

– Arch