The stars look very different today…
January 15, 2016
Today was supposed to be Archie’s triumphant return.
The big blog post to relaunch my bloggerific career and fix all the world’s problems.
But I decided to delay that by a week.
The Lord Gives and The Lord Takes Away
About a week ago, a friend of mine called to tell me about the Guns & Roses reunion.
That’s right. The original Guns ‘n Roses, or at least Axl & Slash, are getting back together to play at The Coachella Music Festival and there are rumors of a stadium tour to follow.
Of course, we can’t trust these guys to stay copacetic long enough to pull off a stadium tour so, I swore that if they ever played together again, I would move mountains to be there.
Well, that’s not going to happen.
Barnsley spent hours looking into this and, we’re not doing it. It would be irresponsible to, at this late hour, after tickets have been sold out, to pay twice the price, scramble for a place to stay and negotiate transportation, just to see the greatest rock band that ever lived, one more time. OK – when I put it that way, maybe we should go.
Just kidding. I am, however, very excited by this news.
And I’m gunning for some floor tickets at Madison Square Garden, baby!
And Who Can Bear to be Forgotten?
As excited as I am by the news of Guns ‘n Roses, however, it pales in comparison to my sadness over the death of David Bowie, one of the most iconic performers of our time. There’s a guy who was never supposed to die, like Jerry Lewis, Dick Van Dyke or the original Aunt Jemima…
Seriously. Space Oddity is probably the oldest song that I remember hearing, not counting songs that were played to me by my parents. It was the first song that made me go, “wow” and think to myself, “I like this music thing. It’s about something. I want more.”
And then, when you saw David Bowie back then, you were like… Whoa!
I remember watching him on TV and, my father, having no idea what he might do, looking like he did, turned the station while saying, in Spanish, “you’re not watching that”.
…but my head was already floating in a most peculiar way.
Many years later, when MTV hit the scene, there he was again – front & center.
Let’s Dance, Modern Love, China Girl. I was still trying to figure out Heroes,
The Man Who Sold The World and Diamond Dogs. Loving The Alien. Changes!
The list goes on…
I love when an artist keeps us guessing. Wondering where he’s going next or in which direction he will point to see if we walk towards it – all the time, blazing new trails and exploring his artistic freedom, only mildly caring whether or not the masses would dig it.
That was David Bowie to me. Genius.
You will not be easily forgotten, my friend.
Thank you for the ridiculous amount of music that you gave the world.
I raise my glass to you and celebrate your life!
Rest in Peace
OK, so…
I guess I’ve announced my triumphant return.
Be sure to tune in next week.
There is much to discuss, as the world seems to be unraveling.
That makes it Archie Time.
Peace
– Arch
It’s just you…
October 5, 2012
against your tattered libido,
the bank and the mortician, forever man…
and it wouldn’t be luck if you could get out of life alive
Red or white?
This quiet period thing is crazy. How can I possibly keep quiet after that presidential debate?
I guess I have to say, I don’t like either one of these guys – but Obama really needs a few lessons in economics. I mean… Harvard has an economics department, he must know someone over there. Make a few phone calls, Barry. Go to a fraternity party.
Do some butt chugging! What in the world is that?
Don’t worry. If this hasn’t caught on at Harvard, I can introduce you to some Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity members at University of Tennessee. Uh… I hope you like wine. Do you suppose it really matters if it’s a merlot, a cabernet or maybe a nice un-oaked chardonnay?
http://gawker.com/butt-chugging/
Be sure to watch the press conference video at the bottom. What a riot! Do you think they had a bet going on? How many times can we our attorney to say, “butt chugging”…?
Shhhhhh…!!!
OK, back to my quiet period… That only pertains to the elections, right?
It doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t still try to fix America – even during our quiet time. Right?
I’m getting back to basics. The American political system is one giant clunker but it’s worth restoring. I just keep asking myself, how do we do it? How do we fix this monster? And I think the answer is to take it one step at a time. If that’s the case, I think first of all – we need to get the money out of politics. I believe this is the central component that has grid-locked our political system and fueled the focus on partisanship instead of focusing on America. Not to mention the fact that instead of getting anything done, our politicians have to spend 85% of their time fundraising. Is it any wonder why nothing gets done in Washington?
Next, we’ll work on really getting religion out of politics.
Third, we’ll ensure equal rights and equal treatment for all.
Somewhere in there, we have to get out finances straight. I believe America has borrowed beyond its ability to ever repay its debts. At this point, our creditors are probably OK with that. If we can’t even make principal payments, our creditors will be collecting interest forever. This was probably good investment on their part – but bad for America. We have to figure this out. We have to work on our trade deficit. And we have to not only balance our budget, which only stops the monetary bleed, but we have to figure out how to pay-down and pay-off our multi-trillion dollar debt.
We will get it done!
And here’s a great start… I hate the name of this organization, by the way, because it sounds like just another PAC. But it’s not… trust me. This is the real deal Check it out…
http://act.unitedrepublic.org/event/founder/create/?akid=200.101266.2oQryF
Part of what I love about this is that, getting money out of politics is something that everyone should agree on. It’s not good and no one, other than wealthy special interest groups, could possibly think that it’s a good idea. So this could also be our first step to unity, getting the majority of our country together on common ground and maybe, eventually, overthrow those two political monsters that do nothing other than divide us.
I love this: Conservatives. Progressives. Independents. Together!
Let’s get this done.
No ands, ifs, or buts …or butts! No chugging butts! Not even small butts.
And speaking of small butts…
Have you been watching Sons of Anarchy? If so, you’re probably wondering who that high priced call girl was. You know, the one Gemma beat the crap out of last week and she was back this week, riding around on the back of Jax’s bike. She looked familiar, huh?
That’s because it was Ashley Tisdale gone “breaking Disney”.
I know. It seems like just the other day we were waiting for her to turn 18.
Next thing you know, she’s 27 and hanging out with the boys from SAMCRO.
This is Barnsley’s favorite photo…
Wow. I like boots.
But 27… Soon she’ll hit the big three-oh and then she’ll just be too old for us, Barns.
What will we do? Fear not, my friend. Let Ashley go… Let her walk towards the light.
I have us all hooked up with Julia, a 22 year old from the Ukraine.
Julia & Archie
By the way, it’s pronounced Yulia.
OK, let’s move on to bigger butts.
You’ve got the biggest butt I’ve ever seen…
So, I went on a Carnival Cruise last weekend. As a general rule, Carnival seems to have somewhat of a reputation for being a little lower budget and a little lower class than some other cruise lines. I will neither confirm of deny such a rumor, but I will say this…
Many years ago, I was listening to live entertainment, as I often do, at a little watering hole in Lake Worth, Florida. The lead singer introduced a song by telling us that it was a love song which had been written by his black roommate for his black roommate’s girlfriend. After these many years, I can still recall that it went something like…
Ooooh, baby…
You’ve got the biggest butt I’ve ever seen.
It’s so big, and round, and brown.
I never really understood this song until last weekend on my Carnival cruise. But then, I’d never seen butts the size of the ones that were on this ship. Good Lord! They were blocking my view of the hot chicks, casting shadows… and, as if predicted by the prophets, many of them were big, and round, and brown. Biggest ones I’ve ever seen. Not that there’s anything wrong with that – a person’s butt size preference is their own personal business.
Right Next Door to Hell…
Since we’ve been talking about asses, I could make a joke here – but I won’t do it.
I love this guy. He’s really my brother from another mother and one of America’s great singer songwriters. Well, after 20 years of refusing interviews, on October 24th, Axl Rose will be making an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel.
I think that deserves making him Redhead of the Week…
Axl Rose
So, set your Tivo!
I know. I’ve already called my friends at NBC. It doesn’t look like they’re getting me tickets.
Axl and his band, by the way, are taking up residency at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas, where they will be doing multiple shows from the end of October through early December, as I recall. That may be worth going to see. Anyone up for a Vegas trip?
And now, My Letter to Axl…
First, I love you brotha! Thanks for the music I still listen to everyday. Next, I understand that you own the name Guns & Roses but you should really consider retiring that name. To most people, when they hear someone say Guns & Roses, they are thinking of the original line-up, not the current band. I would absolutely go see Axl Rose in Concert, but I’m not sure that I would go see Guns & Roses today because – it’s just not Guns & Roses. That’s all I’m sayin’.
I also have some thoughts surrounding your appearance on Jimmy Kimmel.
But I won’t insult your intelligence – that’s what your publicist is for.
And just for you Axl, I picked out this real redhead of the week…
Redhead of the Week
Oh, no… I have no idea what that is that she’s wearing.
I just thought Axl would appreciate it.
That’s all for today. You be well.
Nice to meet you, Yubee.
– Arch
Archie Kobain 