The very bottom of everything…
October 18, 2013
“We must talk in every telephone, get eaten off the web
We must rip out all the epilogues in the books that we have read
And in the face of every criminal, strapped firmly to a chair,
we must stare, we must stare, we must stare”
I wasn’t planning a blog post but then, I got caught in this conversation about money…
“We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn’t dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing”
I was explaining that when you treat your clients to a nice dinner, you could end up with some really large credit card charges. Of course, your clients will undoubtedly spend more money with you, allowing you to pay your higher credit cards charges and getting you an even higher credit limit, which will allow you to spend even more money…
“We must blend into the choir, sing astatic with the whole
We must memorize nine numbers and deny we have a soul
And in this endless race for property and privilege to be won
We must run, we must run, we must run”
The number kept escalating until someone said,
“…and you can clearly see why, at that point, you’d have no choice but to buy a Ferrari.”
“We must hang up in the belfry where the bats and moonlight laugh
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past
And in the caverns of tomorrow with just our flashlights and our love
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge”
Then my friend asked,
“so Archie, where does it all end?”
“While my mother waters plants, my father loads his guns
He says death will give us back to God, just like this setting sun
…is returned to this lonesome ocean”
And I said, “it all ends when you die
and your $500K life insurance policy goes to pay your last month’s AMEX bill”.
“Oh my morning’s coming back, the whole world’s waking up
All the city buses swimming past, I’m happy just because
…I found out I am really no one.”
And that deserves something, don’t you think?
Well, here’s something…
Rosi Golan released her new EP, Fortuna, this week.
It’s available on Amazon for $3.99 by going here…
http://www.amazon.com/Fortuna-Rosi-Golan/dp/B00F8ZIZC2/
And from Fortuna, here she is performing Give Up The Ghost on Perez TV…
For those of you who are easily confused, she’s the one on the right, the one with
the great knees. It’s OK. I had to play it twice and stare at her knees too. It’s cool.
Rosi… Love ya! Call me.
And as if this weren’t enough…
Here’s a quick Redhead of the Week.
And now your life is complete, isn’t it?
I’m very happy that I could be a part of that.
By the way, we’re going to have to discuss the rules surrounding Redhead of The Week.
Thanks to all who have sent me photos but… I either need to know that it’s a photo found readily on the Internet, so that I can link to it – or – I need to know that it’s a photo of YOU and you’re giving me permission to use it. My legal department has been all over my shit.
Of course, we can always arrange for a photo shoot.
In the meantime, I think we have a form. 🙂
OK, that’s it. uh, see you next time…
Oh, and a big Thank You to Conner Oberst and Bright Eyes for the Lyrics to their song, At The Bottom of Everything, found scattered throughout this post. I’d forgotten how much I like listening to you guys – but I’m back.
Until next time… Peace!
– Arch
Send my mail to the Rosarita Beach Cafe…
August 23, 2013
Wow… Mexico is just 8 years away now. Nice!
I can probably do that. I just have to make sure that I make it to 2021.
To that end, I’ve started a checklist:
– Fly U.S. Air as little as possible
Is a list with only one thing on it really a list?
OK, to make sure it’s a list, I’ll put two things on it:
Well, I’ve started a checklist:
– Fly U.S. Air as little as possible
– Avoid the Clarion Hotel at LaGuardia
So, I recently traveled to New York City for my annual gathering where we rent out the Modell’s Clubhouse at Citi Field and invite a number of our clients to join us for some bad stadium food, washed down by an unlimited number of tasty beverages…and no, I didn’t fly U.S. Air.
As usual, the travel itself was just about as entertaining as anything else…
When visiting Greater New York City, I usually stay either in Manhattan or, if I’ll primarily be out towards Long Island, I stay in Westbury, where there’s a fine Hilton Garden Inn and, believe it or not, even the Red Roof Inn is fairly nice. This time, however, we decided to stay closer to Citi Field and we booked rooms at the Clarion Hotel at LaGuardia.
Now, I have to say, the hotel lobby was quite nice for being a busy and relatively low-budget hotel and the rooms were not bad at all. From what I could tell, the whole place was clean and well maintained. The problem with this place is that it was built on a hill. I know, you’re probably thinking, “lots of places are built on hills, what could go wrong?”
Well, almost everything I’ve ever seen built on a hill is built so that when you’re inside, you don’t notice the hill. In other words, you dig out the hill and build a level building. Not the case here. The lobby is level and the floor in each of the rooms are level but the rooms on the same floor are not level with each other and the hallways curve downward in the shape of the hill. It’s about the craziest thing I’ve ever seen.
When you take the elevator up to the third floor and then look down the long corridor, it looks like you’re ending up all the way back down near the first floor. I’m not sure that this picture really captures what I am describing but check out the hallway slant at the bottom of each wall on the right side. It’s crazy.
Next we noticed that everyone who checked in was being given a room on the third floor. So, before studying the hotel from the outside, we were thinking that maybe there was no first floor and Barnsley was sure that the second floor was reserved for a race of pygmies that frequently visit Queens. As it turns out, the hotel does appear to have three floors. All three floors are just contoured to the shape of the hill that the building sits on. Again, it’s one of the nuttiest things I’ve ever seen.
Breakfast
Next, the hotel comes with one of those free continental breakfast bars and really, REALLY, it was probably one of the worst ones I’ve ever seen. Nevertheless, the WiFi in the breakfast area was good and so was the entertainment. First, there was a giant sign that said…
Then there was this crazy Asian lady who apparently likes her muffins toasted. You guessed it. Moments later there were flames shooting out of the toaster and the hotel lobby was filling up with smoke. At first, crazy Asian lady and her daughter tried sticking metal objects into the running toaster to remove the burning muffin. They were unsuccessful at removing the muffin and, somehow, also managed not to electrocute themselves. Disappointing, I know. I had front row seats for this show! So they decided to go sit down and pretend they had nothing to do with this as people from the hotel staff arrived, fanning the air, and hoping to not trigger the fire alarm.
Just after the smoke clears, a guy walks in the front door, and grabs himself some coffee and a plate and starts to eat. Someone from the hotel staff approaches the man and asks, “Sir, are you a guest of the hotel?”
Instantly the man responds, “Yes… Berkowitz Room #312.”
The gentleman from the hotel heads towards the front desk to check it out. The moment he turned his back, Berkowitz grabs another muffin and hauls-ass out the front door. I’m thinking, “Hmmm… Even Berkowitz, the homeless guy, knows that everyone stays on the third floor.”
Having had enough fun, I return to my room and get ready to check out. As I’m stepping out of my room, here comes a hotel maid running down the hallway (downhill) towards me chasing a rolling can of Lysol at high speed and yelling in Spanish. Luckily I hadn’t locked the door behind me. So I step back into my room, turn around and watch as the can goes by… Vrrrroom! …followed by Señora Reyez-Jimenez-Rodriguez… Vrrrroom!
“Estoy tan cansada de trabajar aqui en esta hotel loco!”
I checked for additional traffic. Seeing none – I was out of there.
Mental Note: Barnsley doesn’t get to pick our hotels anymore.
I’ll have to tell you about the flight back at another time. You’ll want to hear it. It involves an airplane full of supermodels and a guy who looked like Freddy Mercury. But right now, we must get on to the important work of our order, because you know…
There’s no off position on the stupid switch!
If there was, KTVU in San Francisco would not have broadcast fake names when reporting the names of the pilots who crashed while landing Asiana Flight #214 last month. First, if you haven’t already seen it, take a look at what they actually aired…
Dey So Dum!
Seriously… How did this get on the air?
I’ll tell you. The 24-hour news cycle has killed the integrity of news.
These days it’s all about the sensationalism and who has the story first.
If you give them information, they run with it. By the way, “Fuk” is not pronounced “Fook!”
Now enjoy this report by hot chick, Ana Kasparian…
Redhead / Non-Readhead of the Week
I can’t tell anymore. It’s all getting a little blurry out there.
But one thing is clear, you know who is the hot chick of the week?
It’s YOU.
No. Not you, Barnsley.
It’s YOU. YOU know who YOU are. Hey… I’m talking to YOU.
So YOU want to see your photo? Just find yourself a mirror…
Ah… Looking good, mamma!
OK, so… YOU are like the hot chick of the week, we covered that.
But we still need some sort of a hot chick photo… yes.no?
Well, thankfully, Susanna Hoffs just sent us this photo…
Susanna Hoffs
Susanna Hoffs… Love her. Everyone should have one.
Are we done?
Oh, no wait… We do have a musical guest today.
I’ve been re-appreciating Rosi Golan lately.
That’s pronounced Go-lahn, not Go-len (apparently).
Anyway, here’s a live performance of Can’t Go Back…
Hmmm… Good song but I think you can almost always go back. Can’t you?
Does anyone recall my Cheeseburger theory? Have we discussed The Sheep Standard?
Ugh… So much to discuss and only one of me…and I’m only getting busier. 😦
Well, I have to go for today but I’ll be back soon enough.
“Soon Enough”… That’s the only promise I can really make. Soon enough, my friends.
Be good. Be Safe. Arch on!
– Arch
Archie Kobain 