Archie Kobain

So you bought a candle,
and you lived and you learned…

World Ending – Later Today!
That’s right.  Today is it.  If you haven’t done so yet, today is the day to get right with God or make love with a stranger.  I guess you could do both.  And if in the middle of the love making, you or the stranger yells out, “Oh God”, you may be killing two birds with one, uh…, stone?

So, is today the end of the world or is it really just the end of the current baktun?

Are we not going to make is to JC’s Rockin’ Birthday Party this year (December 25th)…?  I think we will be around next week.  I mean, while some people sat around and did nothing about this, others actually assembled a plan and solved the problem…

Doesn’t matter.  Either way, it’s my excuse for not having bought a single Christmas present.  That’s right.  If you’re waiting on a gift from me, you’re gettin’ nuttin for Christmas.  So, hopefully this Mayan calendar things works out for me.  By the way, I now pronounce Christmas – Christ Mass.  Get it right.  Remember what I said above.  “Get it right with God”…? OK, here we go.  Say Christ, just like you would say Jesus Christ.  Then add Mass to the end.  Christ Mass.  Perfect.  That’s for everyone with the bumper stickers that say, “Keep Christ in Christmas”.  Oh, I’m definitely putting Christ in Christmas.  By the way, your bumper stickers are hardly effective anymore.  When was the last time you saw anyone write X-mas?

Subtle Innuendos Follow
OK, so…  It’s sometimes difficult for me to tell the difference between a metaphor and an innuendo.  According the some online dictionaries, a metaphor is when you make comparisons between things that are nothing alike, without really calling out the comparison.  For example: “As I walked through New York City, I was lost in an endless sea of faces.”  Since faces aren’t actually part of a sea, that’s a metaphor.  An innuendo, on the other hand, is simply a way of saying something while completely saying something else – an allusive or oblique remark or hint  A good example comes to us from Led Zepplin:  “Squeeze my lemon baby.  Let the juice run down my leg.”

In general, innuendos seem to get a bad rap.  Most people, when they think of an innuendo, they think of a sexual innuendo – like my Led Zepplin example.  Of course, there can be other types of innuendos.  They don’t all have to be sexual.  For example: “I hear your submarine has a fur sink.”  –  or  – “Larry needs a new dashboard gasket.”  OK, maybe those are sexual too.  I have no idea.  I just made those up.

My point is that, it’s time to start turning the sexual innuendo around and instead, we should simply use “sex” as an innuendo for something else.  For example, I’ve now started using “having sex” as an innuendo for “having food”.  So now, when I’m hungry and thinking of stepping out for lunch with a co-worker, I say, “hey… you wanna have sex with me?”  Nothing wrong with that.  Sex is just an innuendo for lunch.  You want to get together with some friends for dinner & drinks, you say…  “Hey everyone! You wanna get together for drinks & sex tonight?”

I think this is going to catch on.

In the event that the world doesn’t end…
We should think about the future of our country.  Do you ever wonder why we are so dependent on petroleum?  I mean, it’s 2012!  Weren’t we supposed to be all solar and green by now, running on di-lithium crystals or something?  Somewhere I read that if, over the past 40 years, the automotive industry would have made advancements equivalent to the computer industry, then today we would all have cars that could travel at super-sonic speeds and go hundreds of miles on a thimble of gasoline.  But why haven’t we done that?  And why do we continue to send our money to China to buy cheap goods, when we have unemployed people here who could make better products for about the same price?

The answer is that, although a lot of things could be fixed and/or improved, there are a lot of companies who make big money by keeping things the way they are.  Therefore, these companies want things to stay the way they are, even though they are bad for us and bad for our country – because it means profits for them.  Big profits..and they use these big profits to buy our politicians. This way, no one will pass laws that affect their business.  The end result is that you and I continue to be dependent on foreign oil, we drive cars that get crappy gas mileage, and everything we pick up is made in China. The list goes on and on.

Here’s a prime example:  A few months ago, the Obama administration released a plan that was called, “groundbreaking”, whereby, by the year 2025, all cars and light-duty trucks made in the US have will have to get the equivalent of 54.5 miles per gallon.  Not sure what they mean by this “equivalent” thing.  Anyway…  El Presidente was quoted as saying, “These fuel standards represent the single most important step we’ve ever taken to reduce our dependence on foreign oil.”

Here’s the official article on the White House’s website.  <<article>>

Notice that was released on August 28th, 2012.  Well, just a few days before, on August 22nd, 2012, British car maker, Trident, issues a press release announcing their new car, the Iceni Grand Tourer.

This car, available in 2013, has a top speed of about 200 MPH and gets 70 MPG.  That’s 70 miles per gallon.  Today!  So here’s my question.  If the Brits can produce a car today that gets 70 MPH, why do I have to wait 13 years, so that I can buy a US made car that gets 54.5 MPG?

My guess is that the Brits don’t care about oil company profits and Obama wants to release a plan that sounds like he’s doing something, when actually he’s just keeping us down while appeasing the oil companies.  So, apparently, even the Brits are now making cars that are more efficient than US cars.

And before anyone points out to me that the Iceni is a $119K car…  Yes. I know that.  But don’t you think that someone could take that same technology and build a regular car. One that doesn’t top out at 200 MPH and within say 5 years we could have a 70 MPG car for under $40K?

Well, anyway…  I could go on and on and talk about the economy, free enterprise, at the end of the day, nothing is going to change until we get the money out of politics.  Learn more about how we’re going to do this here:  http://unitedrepublic.org/

Doesn’t matter if you’re a Rep or a Dem, left, right, North, South, Black or white.
Get informed.  Get involved.

But then, just in case the world does end…
We shouldn’t go out without a redhead.  I try to never go out without a redhead.

But I think we need something bigger than the usual.  It’s the end of the year as you know it and possibly the end of the world – and I feel fine.  But seriously, I think we need…

(drum roll)

Redhead of The Year

And I’m giving this prestigious honor to…  Felicia Day.  I love her.
And as Redhead of The Year, we will feature multiple photos of Felicia…

Ah, that’s some queer skirt – that one.
Sorry.  Barnsley’s cousin from Ireland has been teaching me Irish slang.

Oh, and Felicia is also our musical guest today.
So here she is with…  I’m The One That’s Cool.

Also, for being selected as Redhead of The Year, you get to spend New Year’s Eve with me at my private VIP table at TAO in New York City.  Wait, was that an innuendo?

Call me, maybe?

And just in case this blog post ends…
That, my friends, wraps it up for Planet Earth.
It’s been nice knowing you.  Thanks for reading.  Thanks for all the beer & tequila.

And if the world doesn’t end anytime soon…

I guess I’ll see you in 2013.

Peace & Love

 – Arch