Archie Kobain

Will you do The Fandango?

Sure.  Why not?
I could also play you a song too.
After all, I am the piano man.

See I told you I was me.

This is so weird. I haven’t been here in a long time.  Weeks!

I did a bit of travelling lately.
As Barnsley put it, in his brilliant blog post, I jumped across the pond.  I visited a little bit of Greece, a little bit of Turkey, and a little bit of Italy.  Greece was not that greasy, Turkey tasted more like chicken… and Italy?  Italy was Italy.  It was packed with Italians, which was mostly a good thing.

In my travels I came across the good, the bad and the disturbing. Mostly, everything was good but I didn’t want to discriminate against “the bad” or “the disturbing” – they are my friends too.  Of course, I could dive right in and start telling you about my trip…  I could tell you about what a great experience I had with Alitalia, my new favorite airline.  I could tell you about Antonio, my crazy cab driver in Athens. i could take credit for the cease-fire in the 30-year old Kurdish-Turkish conflict, which happened while I was there.  Coincidence?  I could make up stories about partying with Frank (the new pope), who was installed while I was there.  Coincidence?  I could tell you that I sailed around Europe with a hot Italian chick named Laura, who looked a little like Susanna Hoffs.

By the way, that’s Laura – not Laura. You pronounced it incorrectly.
You said Laura, they way Americans say it.  You said Loh-Rah.
Her name was in Italian. It was pronounced Lah-ooo-Rah!
Get it right.

But no…  I’m not going to tell you my tales of Europe. Not all at once, anyway. These tales will simply be cataloged and used, as needed, to enhance your overall reading experience over time.  Actually, today. I was going to discuss one of my favorite topics – relativity.  And not like Einstein’s theory of relativity, I don’t even know what that’s about.  I think it has something to do with your relatives.  You know the ones.  They show up every Christmas, with turones…

No!  I was going to discuss Archie’s Theories of Relativity about how everything is relative.
But now, I’m not even doing that.  You know why?

My brain is overloaded.  Each week, I have so much to say.  I’m busting at the mental seams.
And then, I get brain-locked.  So instead, I write nothing.  It’s like mental constipation.

I want to write about Europe.  I want to further explain my point of view on marriage, prompted by the sudden focus on gay marriage.  A friend of mine called me a few weeks ago and said, “hey…  I just got your point.  You really need to explain it better.”

Really?  Well…  She did say, “really”.  OK, so I guess I have to do that.  Ugh!

Of course, last week, I decided that we needed a moment of silence for
the tall, the dark and the handsome – Margaret Thatcher, Annette Funicello & Lilly Pulitzer.
You’ll have to figure out which is which.

I’m going to miss Lilly the most – that’s all I’m sayin’…

Lilly Pulitzer

This week my silence is over but I still lack substance, clarity or motivation.

I have, however, reconnected with a band that I loved years ago…  L.A. Guns.

You should all be familiar by now with my love for the original Guns n’ Roses line-up.  And even without a lot of thought, you may have figured out that “the roses” in Guns n’ Roses came from Axl Rose’s involvement.  But did you ever wonder where the Guns came from?

Answer: Tracii Guns.

Yes. That’s an actual person.  And long before there were Guns n’ Roses, there was L.A. Guns, a band put together by Tracii Guns.  Axl Rose was actually the lead vocalist for L.A. Guns at some point around 1984.  At that time, Rose had a band called Hollywood Rose. Guns & Rose came up with the Guns & Roses name but in the end, Tracii (lead guitarist) was replaced by Slash and went on with his own band – L.A. Guns.  Rose kept the Guns n’ Roses name, which is why he can still call his solo band – Guns n’ Roses.  He owns that name.

Personally, I think he needs to retire the name.  I’d go see “Axl Rose in Concert” but I don’t think I’d go see Guns n’ Roses, if it isn’t really Guns n’ Rose.  Know what I mean, Vern?

Ah, but back to L.A. Guns.  I’d forgotten what a great band they were.
And get this, although some of the band members have changed, they are still rockin’ it!

So let’s get started with today’s musical guest, L.A. Guns.
First, from 1991, here’s one of my favorite L.A. Guns songs, It’s Over Now.

I love that song.

Now, fast-ford-wurd to today. Lead singer, Phil Lewis is back – Tracii Guns is gone.
And here’s a song from an album released last year.  This is…  You Better Not Love Me

Now, I know what you’re thinking.
You’re wondering, “so what’s up with the two skanks?”

Well, that’s not very nice of you.

Nevertheless, I can’t tell you who the brunette is but, since I am an expert on redheads, I can tell you that the redhead is Jenna Lohneis.  And as much as we swore that we’d be selecting some non-redheads of the week, for an entire year, Jenna Lohneis is indeed this weeks Redhead of the Week.

Jenna Lohneis

Ah… How I love a mimosa and a redhead in the morning.

Barnsley! (he yells off stage.)
I need you to get me a couple of things…
(Looks around the room…  Doesn’t see anyone.)
So, to tie this all together, you may ask – what is Jenna doing in this L.A. Guns video?
Well, let’s just say that she might be doing more than just the band’s video.
I have reason to believe that she is “with” Scotty Griffin.

And who is Scotty Griffin, you ask?  I love this guy. He’s the L.A. Guns bass player and he should be an inspiration to every wanna-be guitar rocker (like me) out there.

Read his story, in his own words, on his website, here…  Read: My Wrecked Life

That’s it.  That’s about all I have for today.
Although I would feel amiss if I didn’t give a little shout out to Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

Fuck you, you incredible dickless douchebag!
Upon conviction, I hope we take you out into the desert, set a bomb off in your pants,
then DHL your ass back to Kyrgyzstan.  Oh and… Sorry to hear about your brother – not.

Hmmm?  I feel much better now.

And that really is all that I have today…
Don’t expect much next week.  I’ll be headed for Napa Valley.
Perhaps a little wine will loosen the senses.  One can only hope.

Peace out my dogs!

– Arch