Archie Kobain

Aiyo, I wanna dedicate this song right here to Oren Ishii.
Half Chinese, Half Japane-see,
Half American and yo – oh, what a species.
A feminine perfection…
She got the sinister cat eyes and little freckles on her complexion.
Cheaper than Yakuza, but she’s wicked like Medusa,
and she got Crazy 88 killers that’ll slice right through ya

I always wondered how to spell “aiyo”…

When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed

Well… That’s probably not true.
I don’t have anything to say today but that’s not going to stop me.

We should talk about television.  I can’t watch more than about three hours of television in any given week.  Doing so usually makes my head spin completely around, like Linda Blair in the Exorcist, and Prestone comes shooting out of my ears, nose and throat.  Then I need to find an ENT specialist, a Catholic priest and a radiator mechanic to fix everything and, trust me,  Blue Cross & Blue Shield doesn’t cover this.  But boy was this a big week for television…

First of all, I killed 50% of my weekly allotment with the hour-and-a-half season opener of the FX original series, Son of Anarchy.  It’s one of only three televison shows that I actually look forward to each season.  As usual, it did not disappoint.

Then there was this Katie Kouric interview with Sarah Jessica Parker? 

What? 

I did spell it Kouric with a “c”.

A “c” at the begining?  Like “Couric”..?  Really?

Hmmm…  Next thing you know, you’ll tell me I misspelled Kobain.

OK, so…  Katie Couric.  Sounds like she’s got a new gig on ABC and she was interviewing Sarah Jessica Parker on Nightline. Nightline?  Seriously, who cares?  I mean sure, Katie is a decent journalist, kinda cute, kinda sexy, and she can bust a move…

But I don’t get everyone’s fascination with Parker.  I just don’t.  Not even a little bit…

I guess Jessica forgot to evacuate NYC when the big storm came.  E’nuff said.

Then, on Wednesday night, there was the GOP’s Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation slugfest (debate), at the Reagan Presidential Library, at (Ronald Reagan’s Presidential) Simi Valley.  Was it really only an hour and forty-five minutes?  I felt myself getting older during that show.  But here’s what I’ve determined for “my book”…

1. Ron Paul is out.
2. Rick Santorum is out.
3. Michele Bachmann is out.
4. It’s too bad that Herman Cain doesn’t have a real chance.
5. It’s too bad that Jon Huntsman, Jr. doesn’t have a real chance.
6. I didn’t like Rick Perry.  Yes, he stood his ground, but seemed to get easily tripped up. He came off a bit wishy-washy on a number of issues and on his facts. Quite honestly, between his Texas accent and the funny faces he was making, he reminded me way too much Dub-ya.  Next!
7.  Newt Gingrich was spectacular.  He was knowledgeable, crystal clear, stayed on point and refused to play the media games.  I really hadn’t taken him for a serious contender until now.
8. Mitt Romney is no Newt Gingrich but he was still a cut above the others. Perhaps others saw what I saw and he’ll be back in the game.

You want a GOP ticket, here it is…  Romney – Gingrich.  Announce it now.  Get all these other Yo-Yo’s to endorse it  and either start campaigning for you or get the hell out of the way.

Turds Day?
Then…  Thursday rolled around. Does this week ever end?
Well, while waiting for BHO II to unveil his brilliant plan for creating jobs – just short of four years – I had plenty of time to locate a musical guest for this week’s show.

This week, I’m going with an old favorite.  You know, I liked most of Dar William’s stuff until the album, My Better Self (released in 2005).  For some reason, that one just didn’t click with me.  Maybe I need to give it another chance.  Nevertheless, I just reconnected with her and gave a listen to Promised Land (released in 2008).  I like it. So from that album, here’s It’s Alright…

I guess it’s alright…?

Next, we should find a tasty beverage believed to improve digestion. Some people believe most alcoholic beverages improve your digestion.  I wonder if that’s true?  Like my dad would say…  “Ih no mattah.” 

Translation = It doesn’t matter. 

The important thing is that we’ll need something to help wash down this plan. I’m going to recommend a bottle of the 2008 Purple Pachyderm, Russian River Valley Pinot Noir from Claypool Cellars. 

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  Claypool?  Any relationship to Leslie Edward “Les” Claypool, the lead vocalist, bassist, and brainchild behind Primus, who was supposedly not given a job as Metallica‘s bassist because he was too good?

Yup.  This is Les Claypool’s winery.

Hopefully by now, you’re on the website and ordering a bottle instead of reading this…

Along came Lou with the old baboon and said “Recognize that smell?”
“Smells like seven layers…That beaver eats Taco Bell.”

Look…  If you can drink Marilyn Manson’s Absinthe, you should have no trouble with Les Claypool’s Pinot.  I bet it’s great.  I’m gettin’ me a bottle ASAP. If he can make wine like he slaps that bass, it’s gotta be good.  And hey…  It’s not like I’m suggesting that you have this…

That’s an actual flavor of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream that was just recently released.  In time, of course, for the September 24th season opener of Saturday Night Live, hosted by Alec Baldwin.  In 1998, Balwin did a classic skit on SNL where he played Pete Schweddy, a man who brings his “Schweddy Balls” dessert to Delicious Dish, a parody of an NPR show.  Ben and Jerry are only making their Shweddy Balls available for a limited time, so don’t walk to your favorite ice cream vendor… Run… and you’ll have Schweddy Balls too.

Barry’s Big Plan
Well, Thursday finally arrived and BMiW (Big Man in Washington) took to the stage and started talking at 7:10pm for a whopping 32 minutes.  He says he has a plan and he says that he knows how to pay for it, and he wants congress to “pass it…right away”.  I agree that the American people can’t wait another 14th months.  The country’s leadership needs to be leading…today.   

Supposedly, this plan will put piles of people back to work: construction workers, educators and more.  He said he wants to facilitate international competition so that we can start exporting more products bearing the three words, “Made in America” – brilliant.  And he says that he can do all of this without digging the country deeper into its hole of debt. 

I was surprised that he didn’t say a word about keeping American money here at home and reducing our dependency on foreign goods, foreign labor, and foreign energy sources (like fuel).  After all, if you are going to say most of the right things, why not go for broke?

Unfortunately, the current plan doesn’t address the short-comings of the past.  For example:  Today he wants to give businesses tax incentives to hire and to give raises.  So, let me understand that…  As a business person, I should invest my money in expanding and growing, and in exchange you’re going to give me tax breaks.  OK.  What happened to the last four years of saying that he was going to make money available for small businesses to grow?  Suddenly, I need to grow using my own money.  OK…  I’ll tell you what.  I’ll take it.  I’ve grown accustomed to little help from Washington.  I’m OK with that.

Also, every time that I hear how many people will be put to work with “infrastructure” investments, I do the math….and my numbers never jive with that of the, so called, “job creators”.  Either that or I am under-estimating the number of people willing to work for less than $25K per year.  Tell you what…  I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt.  I’m over it. Wagons ho…

So, what do we do congress?  Well, I’m going to say PASS IT, RIGHT AWAY. The last thing that we need in Washington today is another Republican vs. Democrats pissing match like the one we had over raising the debt ceiling.  Plus, if you don’t pass this, President BO is going to point at you and say, “I had a plan – they refused to pass it”.  Then we’ll never know. 

On the other hand, if the plan works – or even if it only works a little bit, Americans (or some Americans) will appreciate it.  If the plan bombs miserably, well… there’s an election coming up in 14 months. We’ll switch bus drivers then.  Wham-‘Bama Lama has rolled the dice.  The ball is in our court congressmen (and congress-women). 

Let’s pass it.  Right away!  Let’s give O-spot every opportunity for his plan to work.  What’s the worst thing that could happen…  we spend a lot of money, we go deeper in the hole, and still the economy stinks?  Bring it on.  Let’s pass it… Right away!

Well, that’s it for today my chickie-dees.
I wish you all a very terrorist-free September 11th weekend.
See ya soon, see ya lay-tah..

– Arch