The stars look very different today…
January 15, 2016
Today was supposed to be Archie’s triumphant return.
The big blog post to relaunch my bloggerific career and fix all the world’s problems.
But I decided to delay that by a week.
The Lord Gives and The Lord Takes Away
About a week ago, a friend of mine called to tell me about the Guns & Roses reunion.
That’s right. The original Guns ‘n Roses, or at least Axl & Slash, are getting back together to play at The Coachella Music Festival and there are rumors of a stadium tour to follow.
Of course, we can’t trust these guys to stay copacetic long enough to pull off a stadium tour so, I swore that if they ever played together again, I would move mountains to be there.
Well, that’s not going to happen.
Barnsley spent hours looking into this and, we’re not doing it. It would be irresponsible to, at this late hour, after tickets have been sold out, to pay twice the price, scramble for a place to stay and negotiate transportation, just to see the greatest rock band that ever lived, one more time. OK – when I put it that way, maybe we should go.
Just kidding. I am, however, very excited by this news.
And I’m gunning for some floor tickets at Madison Square Garden, baby!
And Who Can Bear to be Forgotten?
As excited as I am by the news of Guns ‘n Roses, however, it pales in comparison to my sadness over the death of David Bowie, one of the most iconic performers of our time. There’s a guy who was never supposed to die, like Jerry Lewis, Dick Van Dyke or the original Aunt Jemima…
Seriously. Space Oddity is probably the oldest song that I remember hearing, not counting songs that were played to me by my parents. It was the first song that made me go, “wow” and think to myself, “I like this music thing. It’s about something. I want more.”
And then, when you saw David Bowie back then, you were like… Whoa!
I remember watching him on TV and, my father, having no idea what he might do, looking like he did, turned the station while saying, in Spanish, “you’re not watching that”.
…but my head was already floating in a most peculiar way.
Many years later, when MTV hit the scene, there he was again – front & center.
Let’s Dance, Modern Love, China Girl. I was still trying to figure out Heroes,
The Man Who Sold The World and Diamond Dogs. Loving The Alien. Changes!
The list goes on…
I love when an artist keeps us guessing. Wondering where he’s going next or in which direction he will point to see if we walk towards it – all the time, blazing new trails and exploring his artistic freedom, only mildly caring whether or not the masses would dig it.
That was David Bowie to me. Genius.
You will not be easily forgotten, my friend.
Thank you for the ridiculous amount of music that you gave the world.
I raise my glass to you and celebrate your life!
Rest in Peace
OK, so…
I guess I’ve announced my triumphant return.
Be sure to tune in next week.
There is much to discuss, as the world seems to be unraveling.
That makes it Archie Time.
Peace
– Arch
The perils of Rock n’ Roll decadence…
July 20, 2012
Charlie Sheen, I don’t like you…
with your bitch-slap rappin’
and your cocaine tongue,
you get nothin’ done
Last Tuesday, Hollywood was a-buzz with rockers as former Guns n’ Roses guitarist, Slash, was honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. How cool is that? I mean, Slash seems like a stand-up guy, his multiple musical projects are killer and it’s pretty awesome to see someone from the serious rock era, someone who has said – “I didn’t have a battle with drugs and alcohol, we had a great time”, being added to the list of “greats” along side the likes of Joanne Woodward and Burt Lancaster. So, a big congratulations goes out to Slash both for his accomplishments and for a well-played hand in the entertainment industry game.
But you know how every one of us (mostly guys) have that friend? You know the one. The friend who makes everyone wonders why you are friends with that person. No one just comes out and just asks you about him – which is good because, most likely, you don’t have a good explanation. Well, Slash has Charlie Sheen.
No doubt, Sheen is a funny guy. That is, as long as he isn’t writing his own material. Well, a number of folks were there, on Hollywood Boulevard, in front of the Hard Rock Cafe, to “honor” Slash. Steven Adler was there, Myles Kennedy was there and, of course, his old pal Charlie Sheen was there and, for some unknown reason, he was allowed to speak. Sheen actually got semi-serious and said some nice things about his long time friend and neighbor. But in his opening joke, he had to take a stab at Alx Rose, saying, “It’s quite fitting that Slash is getting a star on the very street Axl Rose will one day be sleeping on.”
Seriously…
Look who is talking?
So, I have to say that the whole Slash & Axl thing is quite unfortunate. These two guys were the front men of what was, potentially, the greatest rock band in history. Let’s face it, no one before them or since has been the whole package. These guys were unique, a one of a kind, limited edition blend. They had the talent, the look, the attitude, and reputation that made them the definition of Rock …and the music speaks for itself.
Deep down, I care don’t whether Axl and Slash ever speak to each other or not. The only real tragedy here is the music. You could say that, we the kids, really miss the days back when mom & dad where together and our family outings were the Superbowls of Rock.
Now, Axl seems to get criticized a lot just for being Axl. He’s always been accused of interacting poorly with his fans, his girlfriends, band mates, record companies, the media – pretty much everyone.
Sound familiar, Sheen?
But none of this changes the facts. It was Axl Rose who assembled the band in the first place and it was Axl’s song writing and unique vocals that put Guns n’ Roses on the map and on everyone’s radar. Without that, Slash might not be getting that Hollywood star. Hell, without Guns n’ Roses, I’m willing to bet that Slash would be not that well-known and certainly wouldn’t enjoy the popularity that he has today.
Under the circumstance, Sheen… I think your joke was inappropriate and I bet Slash would have been classier than to slam Rose at this public forum and for the sake of a joke. You are an idiot. And the reality is that, other than Slash, maybe, letting you stay at his house, you (Charlie) are way more likely to be sleeping on that street someday. Not that he’ll ever need to, as I hear his Malibu home, where he’s lived for the past 20 years, is doing just fine – but Axl could always come stay at my house.
Maybe he can be my friend? You know, the one who everyone wonders why I’m friends with him. The BonnaBros would be like, “oh, no… Archie is bringing Axl to Bonnaroo.” But you know, I bet at the end of the day, he’s just another one of us. I’m sure he does some whacky things now and then, we all do. Nevertheless, we are brothers. Brothers without a common parent. Brothers who’ve never met…but our mom’s name is Rock.
And you know, brothers don’t always get along, brothers don’t always agree on things but that doesn’t make us not brothers. And when you pick on my family, Sheen, you pick on me. So, don’t antagonize me…
You wanta antagonize me?
Antagonize me motherf****r
Get in the ring motherf****r
And I’ll kick your bitchy little ass
PUNK!
I could see hanging with Axl. Maybe we can go down to Todos Santos, hang with my three dogs (Stones, Jobs & Big Cannon) and our three actual dogs (Tim, Taylor & Steve), cook a little fresh seafood that we got from back of some Mexican lady’s pickup truck. And, as hard as this might be for me to do, I even promise not to listen to Gn’R too much. Instead, we’ll just talk about fun stuff like fishing, golf, and hot chicks.
That’s all I’m sayin’, after all…
Nothing lasts forever
and we both know hearts can change
…which brings us to today’s musical guest, Sungha Jung.
So, I’ve read everything that all the haters have to say on You Tube and, you know who sucks? You. You suck because you’re mad that this Asian kid is a better guitarist than you’ll ever be, even if tomorrow morning you quit your job at the deli-mart, moved out of the trailer park and practiced playing guitar every day for the rest of your life.
Also, covers are not supposed to be exactly like the original. That’s one of the things that I look forward to in my pathetic journey toward learning guitar… I hope to someday play well enough to, not just play a song and have others recognize what I’m playing, but also to alter the songs and give them my own flavor. That would be Archie Flavored Guitar Songs – the name of my first album.
Well, as many of my followers from over the years have come to know, November Rain has always been a special favorite of mine and, possibly, my all time favorite Guns n’ Roses song. Well, Sungha Jung‘s cover of November Rain is nothing short of a masterpiece.
Here it is…
I know. I got a little teary-eyed there for a moment too. I love this guy. He’s a 16 years old South Korean and he’s awesome. He has over 500 videos on YouTube. Check him out.
Oh, by the way, Charlie… Axl wrote that song.
Wanna see one of my favorite performances of November Rain by Gn’R?
Here’s the scenario. It’s the 1992 MTV Video Music Awards. This is back when MTV was a music channel, instead of a bullshit channel. VH1 was called VH-1: Video Hits One and they only played the more sedate music. MTV2 hadn’t even started broadcasting yet because, like I said, MTV was still a music channel. Guns & Roses was at their high point and got to perform the closing number with Elton John joining Axl on piano.
You could say, they were kind of a big deal. Enjoy…
Do I even need to say anything?
Yeah… Probably not. So, enough said.
Give it all and ask for no return…
This Tuesday wasn’t nearly as good of a day for Rock n’ Roll. Jon Lord, founding member of Deep Purple, who also played with Whitesnake, died at the age of 71. Maybe now the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame will consider inducting Deep Purple? It’s getting a little like Nashville around here.
They’re playin’ his records all weekend
Praisin’ the life that he lived
Nashville is rough on the livin’
But she really speaks well of the dead.
We’ll miss you, brada.
I used to love her…
Also this Tuesday, there were a couple of albums released that I was looking forward to. The first was Missy Higgins but, I’ve talked enough about her lately. The other was Someday by Sussana Hoffs.
On Monday evening, Sussana staged a little pre-release interview and samples from her album at the Grammy Museum, finishing up her set with a cover, Rockpile’s Teacher, Teacher. I’m pretty sure when she sang, “Teacher, Teacher, teach me love”, she was signing right to me.
So, is it just me or, at age 53, is she not still adorable?
I know, crappy BlackBerry photo.
Sorry. Trust me… Adorable.
And Suzi, I’m am going to play the sh*t out your new album.
It’s awesome. Thank you!
OK, guilty. I didn’t “used to love her”, I still love her.
And guess what the name of the first song on her new CD is?
November Sun. Coincidence? I don’t think so…
Damn, we’re running long today… Well – I was planning a whole big introduction to the whole Redhead of the Week thing. Unfortunately, I’m exhausted from yelling at Charlie Sheen.
The good thing is that, my friend, the same one who came up with the idea of having the Redhead of the Week feature, asked my why I didn’t start it last week? And I said, because we were featuring Supergirl.
Then he asked, so what was wrong with a Redhead Supergirl?
Redhead Supergirl
Did I not tell you that I have genius friends?
Well, there you have it. I have to run.
Got lots of things to see and people to do.
Be here next week. Be a lover – not a hater.
Peace
– Arch
Frank never talked about money…
September 23, 2011
Remember… I promised. No politics this week.
It was the kind of party that you hope never ends
The lucky party boy surrounded by his friends
And they were all in pointed hats, caught in a rebel birthday shout
And he was at the candles with his mom there to help him out
Barnsley! [He shouts off stage.] We’re having a party today.
We’re going to to need vodka, beer and wine. Pretend the Stones are in town.
And I don’t mean Stonse, I mean The Stones…but it’s better than the Stones.
We’re going to need my collector’s edition coffin of Black Death Vodka.
Yes. I actually own one of these. This isn’t just alcohol enthusiast propaganda and vintage photographs. I wonder if the vodka is still good? I guess it’s just vodka. What could go wrong?
Does anyone remember Black Death Vodka? Many, many moons ago, they paid Slash a pile of money to be their spokesperson and then they disappeared.
There was even a rumor that they were being sued by a rights group (or somebody) claiming that the name and logo was insensitive to victims of the bubonic plague.
Seriously? Wasn’t that in the 1300’s? Who could possibly care 700 years later?
“Hey man… Are you talking about my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grand mamma? I’ma kick yo ass.”
Besides, did they have top hats back then? Maybe we’re celebrating our heritage? Like… My ancestors came from Europe and yet I’m here. My family survived Black Death …and now we drink it ….for breakfast.
Anyway, I believe the company went out of business …but I think it’s time for a comeback. Everything from the 80’s is making a comeback. Let’s face, things from the 80’s are now truly part of the classics. And not just because you’ll find the music on VH1 Classics, as sad as that is, on its own. Let’s face it, if you meet a hot chick these days, and she tells you that she’s into the classics, she’s probably including Bach, Beethoven, The Pet Shop Boys, etc.
But none of this has anything to do with, well… anything.
For a while now, I’ve been wanting to discuss The Relativity of Money.
I really thought today would be the day. Problem is, I keep getting side-tracked.
Barnsley! I’m going to need a little club soda and a splash of cranberry for my Black Death.
Barnsley? [Looks around.]
Each time I start writing about The Relativity of Money, I get off on these tangents that go every which way and it ends up being a rant with absolutely no point… You’re probably thinking that everything I write followsw this pattern, so why should this be any different. Touche’.
So maybe, I’ll just ramble on a little bit and call it Part I. Some day, I’ll ramble on some more and call it Part II, and so on, and so on… maybe. We’ll see.
Elvira: “Can’t you stop talking about money? It’s boring, Tony.”
Tony: “Where is this coming from, man? Boring? What’s boring?”
Elvira: “You’re boring.”
Tony: “Oh.”
Before we hit it, however, we need to bring out this week’s musical guest. The man, the legend, Saul Hudson, himself – Slash with Myles Kennedy on vocals on this awesome acoustic rendition of Sweet Child O’ Mine.
So, chug the last of your pink vodka drink. Go get yourself a beer.
I recommend a frosty cold Stella…
…and just pay attention to Slash’s guitar work, particularly during the 4th minute of the song. You gotta love this guy…
Just last month, Slash and wife, Perla, celebrated 10 years of marriage by traveling to Spain and renewing their vows with the help of their two Slashettes, sons, London Emilio and Cash Anthony. London gave away trhe bride and Cash was the best man. Here’s the happy family now…
Do we still have to talk about money?
I don’t think so. That’ll wait until (at least) next time. ‘Cause, guess what?
I met a celebrity yesterday. An even a bigger celebrity than myself.
I know. Not very difficult to accomplish…
But hey, being the “righteous dude” that I am, I got to attend a private dinner at the Clearwater Marine Aquarium last night and I got to meet Winter…
Winter is the dolphin, turned movie star, who lost its tail and will now get to tell it’s Hollywood version tail tale in the movie Dolphin Tale, which opens today at a theatre near you, starring Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd…
Oh, by the way, Ash… Winter said to say, “hi”… Call me. We’ll do lunch. 😉
Obviously, with all these dolphins and Judds around. I can’t concentrate.
So…go see the movie, take your kids, take your wife. (That should be a song.) I have a feeling the Clearwater Marine Aquarium is going to make a few dollars along the way.
That doesn’t constitute talking about money, does it?
You see, the problem is that any conversation that we have about money could easily start now and years after the Earth has slammed into The Sun, we’d still be discussing with no end in sight. I definitely don’t have that kind of brain power today. So, I apologize for bring it up, once again, without following through. I know. I’m such a tease. But I’ll leave you with this and we’ll pick up on it next time… ready?
“Is $3000 a lot of money?”
Talk among yourselves. 🙂
Me? I’m out of time. Gotta run.
I have a long way to go and a short time to get there.
Until next time, my friends.
– Arch
Archie Kobain 